tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-75410358440350341972024-03-05T05:18:29.824-08:00Brad and KristanKristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-33901586442785158832020-04-16T11:30:00.000-07:002020-04-16T11:30:00.240-07:00Life LatelySo I just realized I haven't posted anything since our sweet baby girl, Savannah, was born! I guess that shows how crazy life gets!<br />
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Caroline is now 4 years and 5 months and Savannah is 21 months! Having thought the entire pregnancy that Savannah was going to be a boy, having 2 little girls has been the MOST fun! Watching them share makeup (chapstick), play with baby dolls, Savannah wearing Caroline's clothes, and so much more has been such a blessing.<br />
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We are reminded every day how good God is, how all-knowing, and all-consuming His love is for us when we look at our girls. 1 John 4:19 says "We love because He first loved us." I never truly understood this verse until becoming a momma and seeing just how much we can love another person. How sweet a gift from God, this ability to love another, unconditionally.<br />
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During this uncertain time, with the virus consuming so much of our daily routine and normalcy, I have found it beneficial, necessary even, to focus on the blessings in the midst of chaos.<br />
Yes, I'm sad that...<br />
*I won't be in a classroom setting again with my sweet kindergarten friends.<br />
*Caroline and Savannah aren't seeing their friends and teachers daily.<br />
*I'm not seeing my teacher friends as often.<br />
*I can't plan and do hands-on activities with my students.<br />
*Church is now on-line only.<br />
*We can't fellowship with friends and family as we used to.<br />
HOWEVER...<br />
we now have time to...<br />
*Spend time with our immediate family with no other schedules to keep.<br />
*Be their teacher and pour into them like never before.<br />
*Go to bed later, and sleep later.<br />
*Take naps.<br />
*Read books.<br />
*Ride bikes.<br />
*Go for walks.<br />
*Enjoy life at a much slower pace.<br />
*Know our neighbors.<br />
*Not get "dressed" everyday.<br />
*Start a new TV series.<br />
*Try new recipes.<br />
And on and on and on!<br />
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Psalm 52: 9 reminds us, "For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. And I will hope in your name, for your name is good."<br />
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I was listening to the song today "Blessings" by Laura Story. At the point in our lives after Brad's accident, when life (our new normal) just seemed too much to bear, the thought of not having children being in God's plan for us, this song held so much hope.<br />
Listening to it today, it just spoke to me in a totally different way. We have learned our new normal (as hard as it is), we have kids, and God has provided in ways we could not have imagined. Now, it gives hope in the middle of the chaos with the virus we are now facing. Hopefully, it can also encourage you as it did me!<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc&list=PL8tx_rEqZy2ocPhJ1YNgxOQR0mxiYbiLa">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc&list=PL8tx_rEqZy2ocPhJ1YNgxOQR0mxiYbiLa</a><br />
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Here are some Easter pics!<br />
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<br />Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-34912287554059700932018-07-03T19:39:00.002-07:002018-07-03T19:39:29.156-07:00Dream RealizedAs we are coming to the last 2 weeks of our pregnancy (or sooner if baby so chooses) my excitement is growing each day, as is my sadness that this particular phase will soon be at an end. To say this has been a super easy pregnancy is something I don't take lightly. I know others who have struggled the entire time. I have been so blessed to experience a pregnancy and do so feeling good throughout!<br />
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We have been very intentional in our time spent with Caroline these last few months. Knowing that she will have a brother or sister is so exciting because she will always have someone to play with. This is something that neither Brad nor my self got to experience. Brad and his brother are 8 years apart and my brother and I are 12 years apart. However, it has made me sad at the same time knowing that the attention will be shared and our time as a family of 3 is drawing to a close.<br />
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Each time the baby moves, hiccups, or stretches I am reminded of what an amazing God we serve. Turning sideways in the mirror to see a belly, not being able to bend over very gracefully, clothes growing tight... these are all things I have ALWAYS wanted. I am beyond humbled and grateful that He gave us this chance. It is also such an amazing thought that we have adopted 2 babies, just in completely different forms, and what a story we have to share with others and our children. There are so many ways God chooses to make a family and we are honored to have a story that ONLY points to Him and His love for us!<br />
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These are our maternity pictures. Thank you Elena Marchak for the beautiful representation of this time in our lives!<br />
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<br />Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-79722853718371278902018-04-30T19:04:00.001-07:002018-04-30T19:04:15.647-07:00Big Sister Announcements!After having our 4D ultrasound a few weeks ago, we wanted to do a Big Sister Announcement using those pictures! These are different ideas we found on Instagram. We took these pictures in a house Brad designed for friends of ours, Mark and Kassi! This has been, and continues to be such an exciting time in our lives and for our family. Even though we have seen multiple pictures of the baby, hear the heartbeat, and feel the kicks, it still amazes me that "there's a baby in there". I say this everyday to Brad. Every. Single. Day. As the days pass, I want them to slow, come to a crawl, so we can continue in this phase of life for a while longer...<br />
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2 hours and 4 outfit changes later...<br />
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On another note, this is a song "You Make It Easy" by Jason Aldean that I first heard over a month ago and sent it to Brad. The words to this song remind me of our relationship and how he makes it easy for me to love him, makes me want to be a better person. The links below are the same song but were made into 3 episodes telling the story. I had not seen the videos until a week ago, and when you watch them, you will understand even more why this song is perfect for me and Brad and why it means so much to us now!<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVQeYloq04g" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVQeYloq04g</a><br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvQQAKIfVew" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvQQAKIfVew</a><br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcwjBtGrgMk" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FcwjBtGrgMk</a>Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-47746641391141051162018-03-01T16:38:00.004-08:002018-03-01T16:50:25.698-08:00God Gave Us Two<style>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">After our 3<sup>rd</sup> round of IVF
didn’t work, we discussed with the doctor about using a donated embryo from
another couple. He said he could do that, but we would need to look into
options of finding agencies that matched couples for an embryo adoption. Through
an agency we found a couple locally that had embryos they were wanting to
donate and we were able to meet with them. We hit it off right from the start
and began the legal process of this new adventure. Everything fell into place
so easily we just knew it was a sign from God that this was the door He was
opening. They had 3 embryos for us to use and the plan was to use 2 for the
first transfer and then have the one to use at a later date. However, on
transfer day we were told there was only one viable embryo. Devastated, as was
our trend on transfer days in the past, we went in praying for the best. 10
days later we did a home test and it was negative. The next day an hCg blood
test confirmed the transfer did not work. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">To be totally honest, this was the
lowest I have been in years. God seemed to open EVERY door with this new option
only to appear to SLAM the door so quickly. We were so confused at these
results. It just seemed that if God opens doors, His plan should be that things
work out from that point. Definitely not the case…</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">After meeting with the doctor after
this attempt, he learned that the clinic could use the donated frozen embryos
they had in a bank from other couples who had successfully gotten pregnant from
IVF. I asked him if he honestly thought this was a good decision or a naïve
decision considering everything we had been through. He thought that up until
this point the embryos we had created and/or used were not in ideal condition
because of the spinal cord injury and because of having to survive a thaw from
the donated embryo. He said if he were in the same situation he would try one
more time. We took his advice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me wanting to be in control and ready
to move forward, I didn’t want to waste any time before the next transfer.
However, we learned there would be a funding opportunity for our transfer and
we had to wait on the money to come through. This was such a blessing, but I
was growing more impatient because the weeks passed and still no money. Why was
God making us wait again? He was opening a door for the money but giving us yet
another lesson in patience when 8 weeks passed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Transfer day finally came, October 26<sup>th</sup>,
and yet again we got news from the lab about the embryos we were to use not
looking viable after the thaw. We were told to wait at home another hour and a
half and they would thaw another set for us to use. We made it to the clinic
and one embryo looked great while the other was taking longer to thaw. We used
both of these embryos and prayed fervently for the next 10 days…</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">11/5/17 (Sunday)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Today is Day 10… completely convinced
that the transfer didn’t work last night. I let that realization sink in and we
talked about next steps/what to think for over an hour. I cried, we got mad,
wondering why we were led to do this yet again just to have it not work. When
we woke up this morning we thought we just wanted to get the home test over
with. We took the 1<sup>st</sup> one and it said POSITIVE!!!! This is something
we had waited so long to see that we didn’t know what to think! Then we took a
2<sup>nd</sup> and 3<sup>rd</sup> test, both saying POSITIVE! What is
happening?? We called our parents, totally shaking and in shock! We took
another test before bed that night and it said POSITIVE as well! This is
crazy!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">11/6/17 (Monday) </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Day 11… I went in to the doctor’s
office at 8:00 for the official bloodwork test. We needed at least an hCG of 50
to be a strong positive. We got the call at 2:00 that afternoon and our number
was 193.9! Absolutely can’t believe this! The doctor <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i> nurse called Brad on speaker phone to tell him the good news!
We had gotten so many negatives that I now wanted the doctors to call Brad, so
he could tell me if it was bad news. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">11/8/17 (Wednesday)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Day 13… Went in at 8:00 for 2<sup>nd</sup>
bloodwork test. The hCG number needed to double (at least 386). They called at
1:15… our number was 517! Oh my goodness! I still can’t fathom that this is
really happening!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">11/27/17 (Monday)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Today we are 7 weeks and 2 days. We had
our 7 week ultrasound! We were able to hear and see a heartbeat!
The baby is only the size of a blueberry but has lips, a tongue, brain,
kidneys, heart, and arm and leg buds. It was so surreal to hear the heart
beating. It still has not sunk in yet, our new reality! Still very cautious,
while trying to be optimistic.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">12/18/17 (Monday)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We had our 10 week check in with my regular OB-GYN. I read that there may be movement at this stage so we
were excited to see what would happen. The baby was moving all over the place…
from one side to the other! This definitely made everything real! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Over the Christmas break we were able
to tell our extended families! Brad created a video explaining everything we
have done and ended it with the heartbeat and baby movements. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Last week we told all of our church
family, co-workers, and I told my students. Everyone has been nothing but
excited and supportive, and since I’m already showing it just seems more real
to everyone else. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">(Back to present day)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We have had 2 check-ups with our doctor
to hear the heartbeat and to ask any questions we may have. On Thursday,
February 22<sup>nd</sup>, we had our anatomy scan. Again, being able to see the
four chambers of the heart, brain, lips, spine, feet, and hands was
breathtaking. I made the comment to the doctor how amazing this was and how
this is just not normal for us! What an amazing experience! It was hard but we
don’t want to find out the sex of the baby! This is something we have always
talked about doing! We love surprises and what better surprise to have on the
baby’s birthday!</span><span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Although we are
realizing that our dream of seeing ourselves in a baby will not happen,
we are thrilled at this chance to carry a baby and have this experience.
We are also happy that being adopted is something the new baby and
Caroline will have in common.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Knowing in our heart this will be our one chance experiencing
pregnancy from the very beginning I feel we are taking it in and enjoying this
time on a deeper level. Although we are sad that I tear up looking in the mirror at my growing tummy,
feeling the baby move, and hearing the heartbeat. These milestones are just so
surreal. I am also soaking up as much Caroline time as I can. Even though we
are so excited about the new baby, it makes me sad on a level knowing that our
time as a family of 3 is about to come to an end. The past 2 plus years have
been an amazing adventure with her, but I know it will be fun for her to have a
playmate! Such an exciting time in our lives!</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMOIvFPvJSo0GEWkmemuHkn83sVea7-NK5JCZDBvINToL_ilPHqgtdc8TVN2-jkl2rUNjBtAGbO8dC-whY3ZnYtyiWiG_afUWf6t3Q8RPl5Y4yuroJc2LTBxUxmh2mirorUF26xv8rVGQ/s1600/DSC07790.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1143" data-original-width="1600" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMOIvFPvJSo0GEWkmemuHkn83sVea7-NK5JCZDBvINToL_ilPHqgtdc8TVN2-jkl2rUNjBtAGbO8dC-whY3ZnYtyiWiG_afUWf6t3Q8RPl5Y4yuroJc2LTBxUxmh2mirorUF26xv8rVGQ/s320/DSC07790.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of our favorite pics!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrbFq6NRYbJJEYtzgYAin_WEeslrm-1q_o3NCM3ZVLAnFxyV1ZtGRwAOP3XmxGiYJkV9clJm8AvCtV-nNCKcXNQ1K1woPG0mp2T5YtjnzdxIjqfTLThmX_GA9Q1TsU20_HPAUpXlw5oxE/s1600/DSC08168.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrbFq6NRYbJJEYtzgYAin_WEeslrm-1q_o3NCM3ZVLAnFxyV1ZtGRwAOP3XmxGiYJkV9clJm8AvCtV-nNCKcXNQ1K1woPG0mp2T5YtjnzdxIjqfTLThmX_GA9Q1TsU20_HPAUpXlw5oxE/s320/DSC08168.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
At the park!</div>
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</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcafcOazTuQI3VYsdBhbKvJ70P4fUkzcSCuOLlL7KqfK21eWV_At-53kw6qHRULl96-QDcr2HxlXW65rdwBi5yIFWy5Y-lNt_YfWbzNiW8KcncON300_wa6zN3FVq6TDXejjXMt8m143Y/s1600/DSC09201.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcafcOazTuQI3VYsdBhbKvJ70P4fUkzcSCuOLlL7KqfK21eWV_At-53kw6qHRULl96-QDcr2HxlXW65rdwBi5yIFWy5Y-lNt_YfWbzNiW8KcncON300_wa6zN3FVq6TDXejjXMt8m143Y/s320/DSC09201.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
She was actually saying "trick or treat" at all of the doors this year!</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8hmxsZixah_950x3sjuBtH0nzoFSM2yTjSjm7zWZOrHpDHvw11D1dDVTccYvpW-x_5urbTwL9WVZdqYJVsXP-jzyKWRekzdGo7bYxL6gnGjh1Mr_sB9Ug-DyTXgqIirnEsP1GgVj3l-0/s1600/DSC09379.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8hmxsZixah_950x3sjuBtH0nzoFSM2yTjSjm7zWZOrHpDHvw11D1dDVTccYvpW-x_5urbTwL9WVZdqYJVsXP-jzyKWRekzdGo7bYxL6gnGjh1Mr_sB9Ug-DyTXgqIirnEsP1GgVj3l-0/s320/DSC09379.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
2nd Birthday!</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLJNEY2VlKdBTo01dtFv4Y1QPj0h3hVZqtzXSknvP88uLUgza5mTFunR_97CLgWp_gSNI-NQqzrNZiynITZVhm6Yd4qV0srCU9aY3GOV6gT9UvUoge9JXlxjbQlCe_Yg06VDzlih_1LAE/s1600/DSC09339.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLJNEY2VlKdBTo01dtFv4Y1QPj0h3hVZqtzXSknvP88uLUgza5mTFunR_97CLgWp_gSNI-NQqzrNZiynITZVhm6Yd4qV0srCU9aY3GOV6gT9UvUoge9JXlxjbQlCe_Yg06VDzlih_1LAE/s320/DSC09339.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We can't believe this is happening!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-54518201443396501282017-06-30T19:18:00.000-07:002017-06-30T19:18:22.410-07:00Thy Will Be Done<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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div.WordSection1
{page:WordSectio</style><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I’m going to start this post
off by saying our IVF attempt was not successful. We got the call Thursday, May
18<sup>th</sup>, informing us that our pregnancy test was negative.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Here is the timeline of our
last few months…</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">February 15<sup>th</sup> I
started birth control. This is always standard procedure so that cycles can
become regulated and your body is reacting to a schedule. Birth control has
always had negative side effects with me, but I was so excited to be starting <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">something!</i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">March 6<sup>th</sup> we were
called in for an exam with a specialized scope the clinic only had access to
for one day. The scope revealed that I had polyps in my uterus, which we would
not have found any other way. After hearing this news, I knew God was
leading us down this IVF road a 3<sup>rd</sup> time to show all of these
complications, but provide a way to fix and go around these so as not to be
problematic. I truly felt God saying, “Here you go, I am providing a way.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">April 5<sup>th</sup> I had
surgery to remove the polyps. This was like a D & C. I was feeling so
positive that now nothing was hindering an embryo from attaching, resulting in
a pregnancy. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">April 7<sup>th</sup> we began
a daily injection. Shots have always been extremely difficult for me, to get or
give to myself. The last round of IVF I remember getting light headed/passing
out a few times after giving injections. I was just so excited to be doing the
next thing and hoping to be one step closer to our positive! </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">April 21<sup>st</sup> began
the stimulating injections, 3 shots a day. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">April 25<sup>th</sup> was the
first appointment after starting stimulating meds. We were told not be
discouraged if my body wasn’t responding this early and that usually it takes a
few more days to catch up. I was hoping this wasn’t the case because I could
already feel my tummy getting swollen and sore from producing more follicles.
Well, my body had responded really well at this point and we were seeing great
results! </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">May 3<sup>rd</sup> was the
egg retrieval. This day always makes me anxious because you have done all the
shots and taken all the medicine and all you want are great results (lots of
mature eggs). I was very emotional laying on the table before the anesthesia
thinking this is our last time; this is it. When I started coming to they told
me they got 13 eggs, and by the time I was fully aware they had gotten 19 eggs!
Incredible!! In the past they had gotten 7 eggs and then 15 the second time.
Over this weekend, they called with updates daily. Of the 19 eggs, 14 were
mature and could be fertilized. Over the next 3 days, we expected this number
to drop as it had done in the past. However, we still had 14 embryos (3 days
later) as of the last update they would do before the embryo transfer. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">May 4<sup>th</sup> we added
the hardest injection yet, progesterone in oil. The last 2 rounds we opted for
an alternative way to get progesterone other than the shot. This time the
clinic insisted the injection was the only way, and we had already made the
decision to do the shot just to try something different, hopefully resulting in
a better outcome. Brad became a pro with this! I had always wanted to do all of
my injections but this one is harder to reach and I knew I would need help.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">May 8<sup>th</sup> was
transfer day. We went in super excited and eager to see how many embryos we
would have left over to freeze. However, when we met with the doctor beforehand, he
was very somber. He said that only 1 of the 14 embryos made it to the final
stage. To make matters worse, this one and only embryo was not ideal quality.
They grade embryos and the best is a 4AA and ours was a 2CD. So of course, I
fall apart, when I should be staying calm. My body is supposed to be ready to
receive this embryo and I’m crying and very upset. The doctor did say they had
seen a pregnancy come from an embryo similar to ours and that it is always a
possibility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">And now begins the 10 day
wait… The longest 10 days ever. You try doing everything right. Not lifting
heavy things. Taking it easy at home. Resting as much as possible. Getting
plenty of sleep. Drinking lots of water. Eating healthy. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">May 18<sup>th</sup> I go to
the clinic before school starts that morning to have bloodwork done. I walk in
very emotional, already thinking that this didn’t work, but having to go
through with this necessary step. We asked our doctor to call us that afternoon
when Brad and I would both be home to hear the results. The clinic called
around 5:00 that afternoon to tell us it didn’t work. As devastating as this
news is to hear, now for the 3<sup>rd</sup> time, God knew what I needed. I had
taken Caroline in for her 18-month check-up the day before and she had gotten
shots herself. By Thursday afternoon she was clingy and not feeling up to par.
As the doctor told us the news, Caroline was sitting in my lap and I just
squeezed her a little tighter while I cried, letting the news soak in. Seeing
her sweet face definitely softened the blow. We had anticipated this outcome
after hearing only 1 embryo made it to the last stage, but still heartbroken to
have gone through all the procedures and injections with no baby. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Having these results, we are
grateful we were able to do a 3<sup>rd</sup> round since it was different from
the first 2 rounds. We also know that our embryos can’t continue growing as
they should. The reason we had 14 embryos growing as they should through day 3 is because
those first few days are dependent on maternal factors. Afterwards, the
paternal factor kicks in and our numbers and quality dropped drastically. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Well, now we know that, short
of a miracle, Brad and I will not be able to have biological children of our
own. Even though this was not the answer we wanted or expected, it is an answer
none the less. We still feel strongly about expanding our family so we will see
where God calls us and what doors He opens. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Below is a song from which I
got the title for this post. This is Hillary Scott from Lady Antebellum singing
her new song, Thy Will. The words were exactly what I was thinking and feeling
as this didn’t work as we thought it should. We have already seen God’s
provision since this and are expectant to see Him move!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp4WC_YZAuw&list=RDMMDp4WC_YZAuw">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dp4WC_YZAuw&list=RDMMDp4WC_YZAuw</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Lyrics</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I’m so confused </span><span style="font-family: PMingLiU; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: PMingLiU;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I know I
heard you loud and clear</span><span style="font-family: PMingLiU; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: PMingLiU;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, I
followed through</span><span style="font-family: PMingLiU; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: PMingLiU;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Somehow I
ended up here </span><span style="font-family: PMingLiU; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: PMingLiU;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I don’t
wanna think <br />
I may never understand<br />
That my broken heart is a part of your plan<br />
When I try to pray <br />
All I’ve got is hurt and these four words</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Thy will be done <br />
Thy will be done <br />
Thy will be done</span> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I know you’re good</span><span style="font-family: PMingLiU; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: PMingLiU;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">But this
don’t feel good right now</span><span style="font-family: PMingLiU; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: PMingLiU;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And I know
you think<br />
Of things I could never think about<br />
It’s hard to count it all joy</span><span style="font-family: PMingLiU; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: PMingLiU;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Distracted
by the noise</span><span style="font-family: PMingLiU; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: PMingLiU;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Just trying
to make sense</span><span style="font-family: PMingLiU; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: PMingLiU;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Of all your
promises</span><span style="font-family: PMingLiU; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: PMingLiU;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Sometimes I
gotta stop</span><span style="font-family: PMingLiU; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: PMingLiU;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Remember
that you’re God</span><span style="font-family: PMingLiU; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: PMingLiU;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">And I am
not </span><span style="font-family: PMingLiU; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: PMingLiU;"><br />
</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">Thy will be done<br />
Thy will be done <br />
Thy will be done <br />
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is<br />
Thy will be done<br />
Thy will be done <br />
Thy will</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">I know you see me<br />
I know you hear me, Lord<br />
Your plans are for me<br />
Goodness you have in store<br />
I know you hear me <br />
I know you see me, Lord<br />
Your plans are for me<br />
Good news you have in store</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;">So, thy will be done<br />
Thy will be done <br />
Thy will be done <br />
Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is<br />
Thy will be done<br />
Thy will be done <br />
Thy will be done<br />
I know you see me<br />
I know you hear me, Lord</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 14.0pt;"> <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMH2Gvqxmor7msapJwNgmaIU2VZ4P-jztX16qIu55JMWBdaDEBL5HmRkIjhOq1ilFkGnh1kpl__YFocyDVAZQtbE9YuhCNj2MB4m30mLdlQAb42u9bgIEml4t0n0W3PTZKMOFApBZsSqU/s1600/DSC06044.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMH2Gvqxmor7msapJwNgmaIU2VZ4P-jztX16qIu55JMWBdaDEBL5HmRkIjhOq1ilFkGnh1kpl__YFocyDVAZQtbE9YuhCNj2MB4m30mLdlQAb42u9bgIEml4t0n0W3PTZKMOFApBZsSqU/s320/DSC06044.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">C's 2nd Easter (17 months)! So far, she hasn't been afraid of any "characters"!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiClFtW_OGdlQz209CboZHL3SNgDfLtWJWXZgIkKcDFQ1VWZnQh4pwSLeek4DbMHHMjq0ZS0Hy5is80GgZ3dqQCdNc9VjB3EuY5Q9SqkbwWCPxJ_xfLySnu56bC2_nyEuToL0gGFlBp4Es/s1600/DSC06464.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiClFtW_OGdlQz209CboZHL3SNgDfLtWJWXZgIkKcDFQ1VWZnQh4pwSLeek4DbMHHMjq0ZS0Hy5is80GgZ3dqQCdNc9VjB3EuY5Q9SqkbwWCPxJ_xfLySnu56bC2_nyEuToL0gGFlBp4Es/s320/DSC06464.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW38mOdhFKSLupEah9jH4SlHVN-9JzeKnI8K-eto2EqnB264eq4zrcJfbLl0_QqKAGUqkCbwUg_aDfOHCfkJ3hm6OI6xPngnSSDTbX4faDV-BS7u0MGnkWYQMHKkDwRyEcDOpNPSrfuo8/s1600/DSC06990.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW38mOdhFKSLupEah9jH4SlHVN-9JzeKnI8K-eto2EqnB264eq4zrcJfbLl0_QqKAGUqkCbwUg_aDfOHCfkJ3hm6OI6xPngnSSDTbX4faDV-BS7u0MGnkWYQMHKkDwRyEcDOpNPSrfuo8/s320/DSC06990.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2nd Mother's Day (18 months)!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQXO7QSZLts7Y6bUOuXl8hYfyd59Pf13wqn0lgAC_bR93of-v9TvRl_WqL7qDQdXwTa8H69pu0rmPrxi_HnKRl08eGYyZbQQ9kXa-BB99-atcKirPtOdYAw9I4d6cfPRHfPtYtiMLCPRI/s1600/DSC07273.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQXO7QSZLts7Y6bUOuXl8hYfyd59Pf13wqn0lgAC_bR93of-v9TvRl_WqL7qDQdXwTa8H69pu0rmPrxi_HnKRl08eGYyZbQQ9kXa-BB99-atcKirPtOdYAw9I4d6cfPRHfPtYtiMLCPRI/s320/DSC07273.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">C's first trip to the beach (19 months)!</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmqv70xbV1R1GHv1BpQ6lRcajcCZ84d4fLQiK6OMShqd86R9g7hXSR_wRydsxFJl3i6mz3aNDbF451Z3bgVcqDOBAWsTjfrfW1K0HJawS_L3VPrIZXrCi_oqsfEw1RHepK4yafbCSxDgA/s1600/DSC07560.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1067" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmqv70xbV1R1GHv1BpQ6lRcajcCZ84d4fLQiK6OMShqd86R9g7hXSR_wRydsxFJl3i6mz3aNDbF451Z3bgVcqDOBAWsTjfrfW1K0HJawS_L3VPrIZXrCi_oqsfEw1RHepK4yafbCSxDgA/s320/DSC07560.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9zyRasI_dcN2AzvQa5oAfitswYP8ZP8x76CObzFKRq13uycTkSFWO1dy0bCTlBXlptTSMXdqGxVnOiei8WTBM7sRGqSaqY-nR7d6juo8SZhUJSWj5FywHKvFom4ofpgOVqnSDRmdp9Vo/s1600/DSC07506.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1068" data-original-width="1600" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9zyRasI_dcN2AzvQa5oAfitswYP8ZP8x76CObzFKRq13uycTkSFWO1dy0bCTlBXlptTSMXdqGxVnOiei8WTBM7sRGqSaqY-nR7d6juo8SZhUJSWj5FywHKvFom4ofpgOVqnSDRmdp9Vo/s320/DSC07506.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brad is so talented and we were able to get family pics on the beach!</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-29381547422074957902017-01-11T18:23:00.002-08:002017-01-11T18:42:41.282-08:00Rise Up<style>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.0pt;">Tomorrow
marks the 5 year anniversary of when our lives were forever changed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.0pt;">We
woke up that morning like we always had. I remember exactly what Brad and I were
both wearing. I remember giving him a hug and kiss goodbye. That would be my
last stand-up hug from him. Something I absolutely took for granted until it
was taken away. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.0pt;">My
principal at the time and our school counselor came to my room to tell me Brad
had been in an accident. My mom came to the school to pick me up and take me to
the hospital, the longest ride I’ve ever experienced. We had no idea what to
expect. I just remember being so sad for Brad that he had to ride in the
ambulance to the hospital by himself. What was he thinking? How bad was it? How much
pain was he feeling?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.0pt;">The
entire hospital/rehab stay was like we were living in another world. The
uncertainty of Brad’s health, not fully realizing how our lives were about to
change, terrified every time a doctor came to talk to us. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.0pt;">We
have come so far since then. We still have daily struggles: Brad’s daily chronic
pain, we feel the challenges of paralysis, the heaviness and finality of an
injury of this magnitude, only to name a few. We still feel too young to handle
this; missed so much of a “normal” marriage before everything changed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.0pt;">However,
out of the ashes (Isaiah 61:3) have come beautiful things. We have grown
stronger in our faith (although we still have days where we question God and
feel that He is silent, to be honest), closer to one another, and have our
sweet Caroline. We have both said that we would experience it all again, just
for the chance to be Caroline’s parents. She is truly our shining light each
and every day, and she turns 14 months tomorrow as well.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.0pt;">So
today, I want to be sad… 5 years is a long time. We still need days and moments
to let it sink in, to feel our loss. At the same time, I also want to have a
confident expectation knowing how big our God really is. He is the Author, He
sent His one and only Son to die for our sins because He loved us so much, and
because of this we should have hope. He is in control and everything He
orchestrates is for our good and His glory (Romans 8:28). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.0pt;"> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwgr_IMeEgA">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwgr_IMeEgA</a> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.0pt;">Please take a minute to watch this video, paying attention to the lyrics. Absolutely hits home. Brad doesn't need me in this way, but it still resonates with me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.0pt;">Rise Up</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.0pt;">by. Andra Day</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "comic sans ms"; font-size: 18.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">You're broken down and tired<br />
Of living life on a merry-go-round<br />
And you can't find the fighter<br />
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out<br />
And move mountains<br />
We gonna walk it out<br />
And move mountains</span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />
And I'll rise up<br />
I'll rise like the day<br />
I'll rise up<br />
I'll rise unafraid<br />
I'll rise up<br />
And I'll do it a thousand times again<br />
And I'll rise up<br />
High like the waves<br />
I'll rise up<br />
In spite of the ache<br />
I'll rise up<br />
And I'll do it a thousand times again<br />
For you <i>[4x]</i></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />
When the silence isn't quiet<br />
And it feels like it's getting hard to breathe<br />
And I know you feel like dying<br />
But I promise we'll take the world to its feet<br />
And move mountains<br />
Bring it to its feet<br />
And move mountains<br />
And I'll rise up<br />
I'll rise like the day<br />
I'll rise up<br />
I'll rise unafraid<br />
I'll rise up<br />
And I'll do it a thousand times again<br />
For you <i>[4x]</i></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />
All we need, all we need is hope<br />
And for that we have each other<br />
And for that we have each other<br />
We will rise<br />
We will rise<br />
We'll rise, oh oh<br />
We'll rise</span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br />
I'll rise up<br />
Rise like the day<br />
I'll rise up<br />
In spite of the ache<br />
I will rise a thousand times again<br />
And we'll rise up<br />
High like the waves<br />
We'll rise up<br />
In spite of the ache<br />
We'll rise up<br />
And we'll do it a thousand times again<br />
For you oh oh oh oh oh <i>[3x]</i></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5w0U8OjHJupsas8eiPkk7_lQYJv5Th6H7ngZ5GQtz0RkvItElIzDiNrkuiK1TSGTv9XhfoTJq3UKc6Gil-piQL5s7qffiAvSR-YfdqhtQwV-RtOrUcPWdpX_kSX_MT7ndqYcSlqIxjaA/s1600/DSC01526.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5w0U8OjHJupsas8eiPkk7_lQYJv5Th6H7ngZ5GQtz0RkvItElIzDiNrkuiK1TSGTv9XhfoTJq3UKc6Gil-piQL5s7qffiAvSR-YfdqhtQwV-RtOrUcPWdpX_kSX_MT7ndqYcSlqIxjaA/s320/DSC01526.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Caroline's 1st Birthday!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglDGYhKgnRpbLKnLiACqdEIYh4zwmOWBl7Rg5yDHCqb9Mtj0IhEE_U4P7-9aC2YChOgIAVjX7I6lcq32c1Lx2X_ZTc_cIPOxZvEM3NXwDDAt884Uh2nshA375uvhQp-gI4_QUTm1mfZiE/s1600/DSC02690.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEglDGYhKgnRpbLKnLiACqdEIYh4zwmOWBl7Rg5yDHCqb9Mtj0IhEE_U4P7-9aC2YChOgIAVjX7I6lcq32c1Lx2X_ZTc_cIPOxZvEM3NXwDDAt884Uh2nshA375uvhQp-gI4_QUTm1mfZiE/s320/DSC02690.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This baby is such a ham!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF2Kp4ryHZuStq_7y_py0FdpOt_BrBDwcU0vxof6uEWBbuXIWP6_NXDI6_fEBeOZG33MgiKstbd1L6qvwS-PEOHPqCnDKs795W3BU2naFhciBNCfT39UnEnsYOQBouX5fwRBOJ-0Avj0w/s1600/DSC02036-Edit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF2Kp4ryHZuStq_7y_py0FdpOt_BrBDwcU0vxof6uEWBbuXIWP6_NXDI6_fEBeOZG33MgiKstbd1L6qvwS-PEOHPqCnDKs795W3BU2naFhciBNCfT39UnEnsYOQBouX5fwRBOJ-0Avj0w/s320/DSC02036-Edit.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Christmas card!</td></tr>
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Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-65592393658763686812016-07-29T20:58:00.002-07:002016-07-29T20:58:59.483-07:00Disability, Adoption, and Infertility<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16pt;">8 ½ months have passed since we brought sweet Baby Caroline home! She has been the best gift from God we could ever ask for! We have squeezed her tighter, held her longer, and praised God more often than we ever thought possible. With our journey to parenthood being such a long and arduous one, I am overwhelmed with an appreciation and awe of the Great God we serve! I am also intentionally trying to move at a more leisurely pace as far as moving on to next milestones with her because Caroline could very well be an only child. I am in no hurry for her to eat “real” food, walk, talk, any of these things because I so enjoy each new stage for what it is.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16pt;">So, the title to this post is something, as a child growing up and as a newly wed, I never thought I would encounter. Let me start this section by saying that in my last post about bringing her home, I mentioned that we wanted to try every avenue for biological children first before pursuing adoption. Thank God He has stirred my heart so that I am extremely grateful that adoption was how our family of 3 started! I have such a love and appreciation for her birth mother than I ever thought possible. I look at Caroline every day and think, “She gave us her baby. She trusted us enough to give us her child that she carried for 9 months.” I’ve never carried a child to fully understand this bond, but my heart cries at how hard and self-less of a decision it was that she made that day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16pt;">Saying all of this, we still desire to have a biological child. I feel selfish even sharing this part and this is something that I wrestle with daily. I feel like my “baby blues” should be ‘satisfied’ now that we have a beautiful baby, ungrateful that I still want to carry a child. At the same time, I have settled in with the thought that I will continue to lift praises if a biological child does not happen because we have been given the chance of a lifetime. I have prayed for God to change my heart if this is not His will for our lives and to be able to truly be happy for others who can have children. For me, it’s more about actually being able to be pregnant and feel a baby growing than it is about having a “biological” child, if that makes any sense. When I see pregnant women, I long for how that must feel and what that must be like. Going through this infertility journey, when I would hear people in passing or through direct conversation say how easy it was for them to become pregnant, or that they weren’t even trying (let alone not nearly as expensive for just a <i>chance</i>) my heart would break (and resentment set in). However, because it was so easy for one person, we are now parents to the most beautiful little baby we have ever known!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16pt;">Is this my life…?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16pt;">For the first almost 4 years after Brad’s accident I would often have these surreal moments (and still do) where I would stop and think, “Is this really my life?” Are we really loading wheelchairs into our vehicles, having to call ahead to make sure a venue is accessible before we go somewhere, having a husband who can’t participate in things he used to love to do (golf, bikes, yard work, etc.), deal with chronic pain, etc. One of the things I miss the most is a full body, stand-up hug, his arms wrapped all the way around me. This brings tears to my eyes just thinking of how much I miss this. The last hug I got like this was the morning of his accident before leaving to go to work (I still remember it like it was yesterday). Sometimes it feels like I’m floating above my body looking down at someone else’s life thinking, “When am I going to wake up?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16pt;">Now, for the past 10 months, I have been asking myself the same question, “Is this really my life?” but for much different reasons! I can’t even put into words how creative God is and how humbled we are that He chose us to be her parents and chose her to be our daughter. Looking at her it takes my breath away. She will do something new or look at me in this certain way and it really does make my heart skip a beat. So much life and joy has been brought into our lives with this amazing new journey. It’s like Christmas every morning when we get her out of her bed and the most settling of moments when the day is coming to an end and I am rocking a baby in my arms and feeding her her last bottle. What a mighty God we serve!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6XxwcUrJIXIWIKOng2wlq7kMg9Mnub_cAxnDPRPYyvVR8c2pw_swo48EZZz9goms81F0vCNYHmtFYA3rJvsnnF_QZt2j0ac0apse7f9N905-NRUYJcgOdtxa-CmLKqdOL8o48UO0ccII/s1600/DSC07337.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6XxwcUrJIXIWIKOng2wlq7kMg9Mnub_cAxnDPRPYyvVR8c2pw_swo48EZZz9goms81F0vCNYHmtFYA3rJvsnnF_QZt2j0ac0apse7f9N905-NRUYJcgOdtxa-CmLKqdOL8o48UO0ccII/s320/DSC07337.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Going back to the beginning... This was our gender reveal idea for our family! We had them hold the one they thought the baby was going to be!</td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5eecKSlRVDhqvkPD_mRh_WZjl7UsvdRSVLZkY-r8qPo_envgXtRUcW95yHMa9CYlFkPtSTvDjz0zm_TUMLAD1j9BzRmQoDfM9D4dNdN4dfrsC65XpfWVv9l4FHKUd3IxErSlSa9a5Mqo/s1600/DSC07339-Edit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5eecKSlRVDhqvkPD_mRh_WZjl7UsvdRSVLZkY-r8qPo_envgXtRUcW95yHMa9CYlFkPtSTvDjz0zm_TUMLAD1j9BzRmQoDfM9D4dNdN4dfrsC65XpfWVv9l4FHKUd3IxErSlSa9a5Mqo/s320/DSC07339-Edit.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">My sweet, beautiful best friend Claire made these cupcakes for us with pink in the middle! If you just knew what an act of love this was!</td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjICx8lEtTAqzS_JZBgxL8U0UsMbSiFwK9wCEiLXzJ93kFT7-XfUSeLye8JsTezx49QWT_LfYUczVYVwijFu1iYI_8e4BzXcX9zS54mvu6eaJ87YZu8pJQc5HaaARnZ9biABUfVrFL0grI/s1600/IMG_3906.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjICx8lEtTAqzS_JZBgxL8U0UsMbSiFwK9wCEiLXzJ93kFT7-XfUSeLye8JsTezx49QWT_LfYUczVYVwijFu1iYI_8e4BzXcX9zS54mvu6eaJ87YZu8pJQc5HaaARnZ9biABUfVrFL0grI/s320/IMG_3906.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Our first family photos. I can't believe she was ever tiny enough to swaddle in these blankets! Thank you Mona Carlisle Owens for the beautiful photographs.</td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXssdUNJLSyc8zx7qOlKzcErOqQWQYIZn6zMIAyQljzTf_V6Jp0p_BPX5C7InDDpOflk457jYxSiliIbRDGSmWOuRlkpZSa2scKizLE1W4suBfarjrdAvfjON4DMxhjRMbBrv-PleFlvI/s1600/IMG_7404.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXssdUNJLSyc8zx7qOlKzcErOqQWQYIZn6zMIAyQljzTf_V6Jp0p_BPX5C7InDDpOflk457jYxSiliIbRDGSmWOuRlkpZSa2scKizLE1W4suBfarjrdAvfjON4DMxhjRMbBrv-PleFlvI/s320/IMG_7404.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">I love everything about this picture... the mouth, the eyes, the little bitty baby, the turtle on her head! </td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi66W3XGFcwQqMJ5XGekjTMN2-Szbieay8JKQWT0YFQACyInjgzCyJJCZYjpLucEvqOKT-26yzJaMWFQ4-ROfZ5lnsPivtPugCB1z8KdmgiiFwBrQbYoE4Fy8_AJax5gaioQqaFj9C2XQA/s1600/IMG_8779.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="237" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi66W3XGFcwQqMJ5XGekjTMN2-Szbieay8JKQWT0YFQACyInjgzCyJJCZYjpLucEvqOKT-26yzJaMWFQ4-ROfZ5lnsPivtPugCB1z8KdmgiiFwBrQbYoE4Fy8_AJax5gaioQqaFj9C2XQA/s320/IMG_8779.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Kelly, who keeps her during the day, took this and it has become one of our favorites!</td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY869Zgcpzvn_8zrPaAnHv9Rxp8Xslqjb3HpLjLIBShl2thouBFZEOFs1TCPW3pgrz_S6C3s_u2s3eEzutJ5A5qjzbg6tbY2ZY-ynSwaMiGw-JmKKp0SRs7qFkzPfH56oHksNP4Gl-Vns/s1600/Caroline+Faces.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhY869Zgcpzvn_8zrPaAnHv9Rxp8Xslqjb3HpLjLIBShl2thouBFZEOFs1TCPW3pgrz_S6C3s_u2s3eEzutJ5A5qjzbg6tbY2ZY-ynSwaMiGw-JmKKp0SRs7qFkzPfH56oHksNP4Gl-Vns/s320/Caroline+Faces.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">Brad made a collage of the many faces of Caroline!</td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6lWfyijHHxpjUk-pWx8yIlLBqLTOCdJQ1GzznW8BIH01jM2y8Ut5Y_pl7GBSGa6IDy3o4fDKI3wWLRmgaZvPGUiFSY493tyIUrmZtPCKSKp00Ad7EmdC6IfE7n4MJSoEDHeBxahTkum0/s1600/DSC06547.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6lWfyijHHxpjUk-pWx8yIlLBqLTOCdJQ1GzznW8BIH01jM2y8Ut5Y_pl7GBSGa6IDy3o4fDKI3wWLRmgaZvPGUiFSY493tyIUrmZtPCKSKp00Ad7EmdC6IfE7n4MJSoEDHeBxahTkum0/s320/DSC06547.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">My first Mother's Day! So surreal!</td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNroGo1UIyjrDJtan8BLH8GnarB5YqHNPbASoJCL4Vry3IlNkH-EdjkaWuN8kuUVwt655P8x6MomBV0sLdkWMUtwyEp-zN9hrNuVAvrDu47dJd5zRS2eDilA9RMYkuN2Ryt3UyvD84B0k/s1600/DSC08469.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNroGo1UIyjrDJtan8BLH8GnarB5YqHNPbASoJCL4Vry3IlNkH-EdjkaWuN8kuUVwt655P8x6MomBV0sLdkWMUtwyEp-zN9hrNuVAvrDu47dJd5zRS2eDilA9RMYkuN2Ryt3UyvD84B0k/s320/DSC08469.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">One of our newest family photos! </td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR8vtVlu1ywOF-sbCoXhXSEgAHKNSglpH0sJ4363X-9YnbOu2dmvIZQK2cjaacRUH2QJXdjVWGwTKClCRaNllYNtnoBEvIyRpXlKtvk7MAVU_2TWuiVPRWnKWl5BWoJAU4O1o1Xvtx-Lc/s1600/DSC08686.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR8vtVlu1ywOF-sbCoXhXSEgAHKNSglpH0sJ4363X-9YnbOu2dmvIZQK2cjaacRUH2QJXdjVWGwTKClCRaNllYNtnoBEvIyRpXlKtvk7MAVU_2TWuiVPRWnKWl5BWoJAU4O1o1Xvtx-Lc/s320/DSC08686.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">I can't even take it with the headband, bracelet, rolls for days on the arms, and blue eyes! She is just too much!</td></tr>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
"Every good and perfect gift is from above." -James 1:17</div>
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Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-84802386421325910462016-07-19T21:00:00.001-07:002016-07-19T21:00:30.633-07:00Parenting From A Wheelchair<div class="MsoNormal">
This may be strange to some to go from sharing about our adoption, followed by all of the struggles Brad faces, but this is our daily life and I wanted him to have the opportunity to share... We have always been a great team, and now with a little baby we have become even better at tag-teaming! We are humbled and astounded every day that God has given us this chance to be parents. </div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Well I’ve never done this before, but Kristan asked me to
share about parenthood from my perspective. First, I want to give all the glory
to God for placing this little baby girl into our lives. I never thought, aside
from my wife, that I could love another person this much. The thought that she
isn’t biologically mine never even creeps into the back of my mind. She is my
daughter, and always will be. However, this process has given me a new insight
into the strength and courage it takes for women to make this choice for a
chance at a better life, because they know it’s the best decision for their
child. I am eternally grateful to Caroline’s birth mother for giving us this
opportunity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
It has been so fun to watch her grow and learn how to do new
things. To me, it’s the little things she does that I love the most. From some
of her sweet little sounds, to facial expressions, to arm and finger movements,
it just doesn’t get any cuter. Probably my favorite thing, and everybody that
has ever met her knows this, is she ALWAYS has the biggest grin on her face.
Every time she looks at somebody she smiles. Every time she gets in her jumper,
eats, plays with toys, takes a bath, watches the dogs…she smiles. Every morning
when I wake up in pain, I look over and next to me in the middle of the bed is
this little person with a huge smile on her face. It just makes all the
difference. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Now, as you can imagine, parenting from a wheelchair is not
easy. I have more limitations than I can list, especially with a baby. One of
the most frustrating ones due to my spinal cord injury is not being able to use
any of my core muscles (abs/lower back, etc.) being paralyzed from the chest
down. So I can’t balance my upper body at all. If I lean over in any direction
in my chair, I can’t pull myself back up. Even the weight of putting my arms
out in front of me is enough to make me fall forward. So I always have to lean
against or hold onto something to stay upright. This makes it impossible to
pick up Caroline with two hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whether
she’s on the floor, in her jumper, etc. I can only use one hand to pick her up
because I have to use the other one to hold on or push myself back up. So I’m
limited to moving her from the bed, couch, stroller, and changing table since
they are level with my lap. Kristan gets her in and out of the car, bathtub,
bouncy, jumper, walker, floor, etc. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Also, carrying her around is very tricky. When she was
really small and didn’t move much, I just laid her in my lap as I pushed my
chair. But now that she is more active, I have to keep one hand on her at all
times. So I have to push one wheel, then switch hands holding her to push the
other one. Sometimes I will use a Velcro strap that I wrap around both of us so
that I can keep her in my lap if I have to do things with my hands. I also can’t
hold her in my arms or against my chest like I would if I were standing. I can
only just sit her in my lap. It’s really hard every night when we feed her the
last bottle and I have to watch Kristan carry her to bed asleep, because I
can’t. Even if I rock her to sleep in the recliner, I can’t get back into my
chair and hold her at the same time. <o:p></o:p></div>
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She is at the stage now, where she is sitting up on her own
and loves to play in the floor. She isn’t crawling yet so we just put her on a pallet
with all of her toys. Getting on the ground from a wheelchair isn’t that bad,
it’s getting back up that is near impossible. I can do it, but it takes all the
strength I have. Because I am so tall, I have to push myself up a lot higher
than most people. So sometimes the effort is just too much to get down and back
up, so I’ll sit and watch her from my chair. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I have also adapted/modified a lot of things in our house to
make it easier for me to take care of her. We couldn’t find a changing table
that I could pull underneath; they all had drawers or shelves in the way. So I
built one myself. I also had a friend cut the front of her crib in half and I put
a hinge on one side so I can swing it open to get better access to her, since I
can’t reach over the top of the rail. I widened our dog gate so my chair could
fit through it and welded in a very shallow angled plate on the bottom to make
it easier to roll over. Lastly, I ran a dowel rod through a loop on our diaper
genie so I could push the foot pedal down with my hand to put a diaper in.
Modifications that allow me to do the basic day to day things I used to is a
never ending process.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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In addition to the limitations, one of the biggest problems
that affects my parenting abilities is dealing with severe chronic nerve pain. To
be honest, I feel like the inside of my body from my injury level (chest) down
is being set on fire and electrocuted…every second of every day. Basically at
this point, there are bad days and worse days. So whether or not I feed, change,
play, etc. with Caroline all depends on how much pain I am in at that given
time. Most of the time, I just push through it. But there are times when I just
have to ask Kristan to do something with her for me because the pain is so bad
it hurts to move. I have been working with my doctor to continue trying options
for better pain management, as this continues to be a daily struggle.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I know there was some negativity in this post, but it's real and it’s what I deal with every day. I feel that public knowledge of spinal cord injuries is very lacking in our society. Most people just aren’t aware of how literally every aspect of our lives is affected by this disability. So hopefully this is an eye-opener to what it’s like to parent from a wheelchair. I love Caroline more than I could ever express and I’m so thankful for her, but it isn’t easy. However, after waiting for four years I think we both take one extra look and get one extra kiss from her before we go to bed every night. The waiting has brought a level of appreciation that I don’t think I would have if getting pregnant was easy. At the end of the day, I have a beautiful wife and baby and that’s more than I could ever ask for. </div>
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Kristan is going to share a more upbeat, updated post soon. She just wanted me to honestly share my struggles I face becoming a dad...</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-yqH06jGmwGdCSvTxNNsRRK3Lf41SKndtfpotj078pGauDMwYhlzPhlntmNxEm3zMGLdYSlGZ0d_2xyARbG-h0A-Udqkone_h1rG6W7DOpNcjWHJ7vFBzlx15BiVeZuE6Y9JKVinU4Ss/s1600/IMG_9367.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-yqH06jGmwGdCSvTxNNsRRK3Lf41SKndtfpotj078pGauDMwYhlzPhlntmNxEm3zMGLdYSlGZ0d_2xyARbG-h0A-Udqkone_h1rG6W7DOpNcjWHJ7vFBzlx15BiVeZuE6Y9JKVinU4Ss/s320/IMG_9367.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"> Here is the changing table, diaper genie, and crib that I have modified for easier access.</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiautxZI0F2NvlSUWkh_pb6aNiDmXR5ZHXycF-4w6THNhpboWNpTKzVCd9q6wyBVa4PIA1mGLSrg_lzZS1t-tsK448rndMKp6COAfr-ADrH8Ux2bL4s80qScdMScHOHz7bQESq_9cfiYtM/s1600/Photo+Jul+19%252C+10+42+43+PM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiautxZI0F2NvlSUWkh_pb6aNiDmXR5ZHXycF-4w6THNhpboWNpTKzVCd9q6wyBVa4PIA1mGLSrg_lzZS1t-tsK448rndMKp6COAfr-ADrH8Ux2bL4s80qScdMScHOHz7bQESq_9cfiYtM/s320/Photo+Jul+19%252C+10+42+43+PM.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">This is the dog gate I fixed so that my chair would fit through. </span> <div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi2JSXiQ0OjLLy6AC_38M5V6ANiII3I-NjG4Hj-c15_FW3mWunHQaSfcOnp5PgGYLWYeIEBXAAjnbuVUwEci1ugfc_T0R0AlO_a4xAQeDkDQdQxP3kSZojn8j9cjLSkSfUGLUI_FJHdyI/s1600/IMG_9471.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi2JSXiQ0OjLLy6AC_38M5V6ANiII3I-NjG4Hj-c15_FW3mWunHQaSfcOnp5PgGYLWYeIEBXAAjnbuVUwEci1ugfc_T0R0AlO_a4xAQeDkDQdQxP3kSZojn8j9cjLSkSfUGLUI_FJHdyI/s320/IMG_9471.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">People say she looks like me...</td></tr>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJBdaFE6B0TrkCO64vU9jt4tiU5gqV_LRdh5g5GYx0a7BXeU2x8GARuhZ8fP2uHGpSOe6CXInIatMXyi_iVTrHkdYe1BrN-UAOYuEq9NHvFjEaPUMqStd2iUySnkMPOLHHAkdFKvgasTo/s1600/DSC04154.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJBdaFE6B0TrkCO64vU9jt4tiU5gqV_LRdh5g5GYx0a7BXeU2x8GARuhZ8fP2uHGpSOe6CXInIatMXyi_iVTrHkdYe1BrN-UAOYuEq9NHvFjEaPUMqStd2iUySnkMPOLHHAkdFKvgasTo/s320/DSC04154.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sweet baby at her Dedication lunch.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Picture Kristan took for part of my Father's Day gift.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our recent trip to Atlanta, where we visited the aquarium.<br /><br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Face Timing while Kristan is taking her for a walk. I just can't take those sunglasses...!</td></tr>
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Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-49742926472511669042015-11-24T14:18:00.003-08:002015-11-24T14:18:48.893-08:00Adoption!!<div style="color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
Hey everyone, I have some exciting news! It's kind of long though. I know I have shared before about our fertility journey and the problems that we've had as a result of Brad's spinal cord injury. To make a long story short, a few months ago we were talking some more about possibly starting a third round of IVF. However, we both just felt like God was telling us to stop, wait on Him, and trust that He is going to work everything out. As hard as it was, that's what we did. Literal<span class="text_exposed_show" style="display: inline;">ly two hours later I got a phone call from her doctor about a patient he knew of that wanted to put her baby up for adoption! And we were the first people he thought of. To add to the craziness, she was due in 7 weeks!</span></div>
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Now we have always been open to adoption, and thought there was a good chance that's what we would one day. But we wanted to try everything we could to have our own biological child first. So we weren't on a list, or had met with an agency, or started the process at all. And God just dropped this in our lap. So we prayed about it over the weekend and felt like this was what He was calling us to do. </div>
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From that point, He started opening all the doors and everything worked out so easily. The background checks, FBI report, home study, etc. that has to be done usually takes people about a month. We were able to do it in a week! Also, since this would be a private adoption, the cost for an attorney and everything that needed to be done would be a fraction of the cost of going through an agency. And the attorney we used had adopted his two kids so this was really important to him too. The hardest part was knowing that the birth mother had to wait 72 hours after the baby was born before she could sign the consent form or change her mind.</div>
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So on Thursday, November 12, our daughter was born at 7:55am, 6lb 14oz, and 18 1/2" long! She was the most beautiful thing we've ever seen. We stayed at the hospital with her during that 72 hours, and brought her home that Sunday. We named her Caroline Grace (Caroline). Having tried for almost four years to have a baby, we have so much more of an appreciation for her and if we had to do it all over again we wouldn't change anything. Adopting her has also given us a new outlook on how we have been adopted into God's family. We are just so thankful that we were given this opportunity.</div>
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Because everything happened the way it did, we know that God created her for us and chose us as her parents. It still seems so unreal; after all, we found out about her 7 weeks to the day until her birth. I had a friend mention that it's crazy how we limit God and what He plans to do by placing our prayers in a "box". For example, God, please let this IVF round work, or please let us get pregnant naturally. Had any of these things happened, we wouldn't have our sweet baby Caroline! She also brought up the reality that we are now holding an answered prayer. How amazing!</div>
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Lots of people have prayed for this for a long time, and we couldn't have done it without the help and support of our family, friends, and church. I do ask that you continue to pray for Brad's pain, especially now that he has a baby to help take care of and raise. There are times that he literally can't move because of the pain and that worries him about how he's going to deal with it and still be able to help with a baby now. But we are continuing to trust that God will always provide for us and allow him to do what he need to do. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Family picture at the hospital</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The dogs are slowly adjusting!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We just love her!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My friend, Jill, made this onesie. There are exactly 1400 days between Brad's accident and Caroline's birthday! God is such a creative God!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">She smiled like this twice and we got a picture!</td></tr>
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Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-44446087831496402922015-08-24T17:21:00.001-07:002015-08-24T17:21:35.751-07:00Same Amount Of TimeToday marks the same amount of time we've been married before and after the injury. I can not believe so much time has gone by...<br />
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One one hand, I feel like I would give anything to go back to <i><b>where</b></i> we were and <b><i>who</i></b> we were. Not a care in the world, everything seemed so simple; life was on our side.<br />
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On the other hand, we have grown so much closer because of all we've been through. And even though more times than not it feels like we have a "push/pull" relationship with God, we have also grown closer to Him and stronger in our faith and what we believe.<br />
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We have definitely learned (and are still learning) what is truly important. Our families and friends have rallied around us and shown support, and for this we are truly grateful. Our lives look like nothing we would have planned. Brad absolutely misses his hobbies (his truck, motorcycle, and playing golf) and all of the everyday stuff (yard and house work, holding hands while walking through a store, opening doors for us, etc.).<br />
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It's weird but it's like the injury has erased a lot of what we used to do as well. I can only remember a few things of our routine before. It's a blessing and a curse at the same time, but there are times when it makes me so sad because memories are all we have from our life before.<br />
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I've said it before but it becomes all-consuming (suffocating, depressing, no way around) when I actually stop and consider the magnitude of what we've been through (pain and infertility as a result) and continue to battle daily.<br />
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"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." -Galatians 6:9<br />
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I repeat to myself over and over... Our good and Your glory, God. Our good and Your glory...<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was from my devotion this morning, <i>Jesus Today.</i></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brad took this at our lake last weekend! Amazing!</td></tr>
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<br />Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-28445032136541699672015-08-09T14:04:00.000-07:002015-08-09T14:04:01.150-07:00Dating Through the Alphabet "A"So, Brad and I decided to try something fun... Go on a date that has a theme with each letter of the alphabet. We saw the idea on the internet and thought it looked like fun!<br />
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For "A" we contacted Brad's cousin, Beth, to see if her husband, Brady (a pilot), could take us up for a ride! We got to go up yesterday and it was such a neat experience! It was super windy so that made the ride bumpier than usual and we didn't even think for Brad to take dramamine (he gets car sick very easily). That being said, our ride was pretty short, but we got to see our house from the sky!<br />
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It was a completely different experience because for the 'typical' person you would just step into the plane. However, Brady had to pick Brad up to get him to his seat. We have not had to do this yet, so Brad definitely had to look past this hurtle. They both handled the situation amazingly and we were able to do something we had not done before!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Us before getting in!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brady, our pilot!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg-WIxURtKHIVFYwUFjOo9d225eTGIHeg04iJo7lag0yoNkoYapZRFb_CGjAWDoAiBe2qSy2d1zsdh9425auUP3r07FVPQgrnJUh_ypYALPbGYApiNH8aUSuqC9nw8V6CedxFK-bjlIg0/s1600/IMG_4175.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjg-WIxURtKHIVFYwUFjOo9d225eTGIHeg04iJo7lag0yoNkoYapZRFb_CGjAWDoAiBe2qSy2d1zsdh9425auUP3r07FVPQgrnJUh_ypYALPbGYApiNH8aUSuqC9nw8V6CedxFK-bjlIg0/s320/IMG_4175.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beth, Brad's cousin!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu9UR0iex7j61VKXiKb4Sp1pImVzcgsHtKu4Kpj3zUrIOaG1hjgWikrzN7jOmzb6gZAqIclsamYbPn8NbdicN8_X9jAUao7IWs97OilXmsjyPPD5cZjlCT1QGzx_LvG2i1n1lI0Nv7stw/s1600/FullSizeRender-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu9UR0iex7j61VKXiKb4Sp1pImVzcgsHtKu4Kpj3zUrIOaG1hjgWikrzN7jOmzb6gZAqIclsamYbPn8NbdicN8_X9jAUao7IWs97OilXmsjyPPD5cZjlCT1QGzx_LvG2i1n1lI0Nv7stw/s320/FullSizeRender-1.jpg" width="274" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Flying over our neighborhood!</td></tr>
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<br />Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-26405265890786607172015-07-15T11:28:00.001-07:002015-07-15T11:28:17.503-07:00Faithful in PrayerSurgery Update:<br />
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This may be complicated but I'm going to try to make sense of it the best I can... We went in last Monday for the trial spinal cord stimulator. Brad ended up having 4 incisions in his back, with only one above his injury level that he was able to feel. The surgeon chose to do one 'paddle' with 16 electrical contacts at about the T4 level and then a second one at the T8 level. They were hoping that the higher one would reach his chest and back, while the lower would help his legs and feet. We found out throughout the week and after many different adjustments with the stimulator that Brad was not able to feel any stimulation where he has no normal sensation (from the middle of his chest down). Also, last summer when Brad had the hardware removed from his back, he lost some sensation on the left side of his back. This means that he can feel more on his right side than his left which also led to more adjustments with the stimulator. The bottom paddle was making Brad's stomach and lower back spasm (stimulation was reaching this low) but his legs were not responding at all.<br />
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Just a side note: Brad has NO movement or sensation from his chest down. All of the pain he feels is chronic nerve pain from the spinal cord injury.<br />
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All of this being said, the surgeon and the rep for the stimulator agreed that removing the lower paddle would be best since he was not getting any relief in his legs and feet. However, Brad did feel that the top paddle was working enough to keep it. So we went in this Monday to make everything permanent.<br />
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Initially, we were confused how the stimulator works but have found this explanation to be most helpful in helping us understand. This is from the literature that came with the stimulator from Boston Scientific: "The system electrically stimulates the spinal cord to alter the perception of pain signals that move along the nerve pathways on either side of the spine." The stimulation feels to him like a buzzing/tingling sensation that doesn't hurt, but doesn't necessarily feel good either. It's kind of a neutral feeling. However, he still feels the pain but is able to turn the stimulator up to a level higher than the pain so that his brain focuses on the stimulation and not on the pain. This is not THE answer we were hoping for, but it is providing some relief and for that we are grateful!<br />
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Through all of this we have had many discussions on prayer, the power of prayer, and the point in praying. If God is sovereign, which He is, so He knows ALL things, then what good does prayer do? We know in our hearts that we should pray, but sometimes it seems to fall on deaf ears. I have also been struggling with continuing to pray BOLD prayers because I've had them time and time again not answered HOW I want them and WHEN I want them. <br />
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The past 2 days, though, God has really shown me through my quiet time with Him the answers to these questions.<br />
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Yesterday God revealed these verses...<br />
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"I am the Lord, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?" -Jeremiah 32:27<br />
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"For with God nothing will be impossible." -Luke 1:37<br />
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"Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up." -Luke 18:1<br />
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Then this morning is was all about BOLD and continuous prayers...<br />
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"Never stop praying." 1 Thessalonians 5:17<br />
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"Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and thankful heart." -Colossians 4:2<br />
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"Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying." -Romans 12:12<br />
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All of these spoke to me so clearly. We are to keep praying and not give up. Even though He knows everything, He wrote our story, we are still to be patient and keep praying. When it's hard, when He is silent, when the answer is 'no' or 'not yet', keep praying.<br />
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Something else that was revealed to me is that we need to have the confidence to pray for things that ONLY God can do (baby, no pain).<br />
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And sometimes our prayers are as simple as Luke 4:38, "Lord, help her." Joni Eareckson Tada said in her daily devotion that this short and simple prayer "describes how we've come to the end of our understanding and that we have nowhere or no one else to whom we can turn."<br />
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Proverbs 31 Ministries Daily Devotion also highlighted that, "Having a heart attitude of prayer simply means developing a focus on joy and gratitude. When we focus on the good, instead of the bad, we develop a mental attitude of thankfulness. When our hearts are full of thankfulness for God, we will find ourselves longing to talk with Him more and more and learning to recognize His holy whispers."<br />
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I pray that this post will encourage you when you need help in continuing to pray for something that you have prayed for a thousand times or need God to come through in a way that only He can.<br />
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Let's make it our focus to "keep on asking..." -Luke 11:9<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTJ-aruQ1fBuro3BvYVTPL79I_VkKVOsGRTfSuy8tqYD51RwQFMHHVGWOTkeCTdHmRS4WaJh8do6i2wrTU-wxXoK8tUl0NnJGdscmcjUB_IoZYcHcI0e2-pZZ_2PUDiZIXh2nIKZB9xlc/s1600/IMG_3819.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTJ-aruQ1fBuro3BvYVTPL79I_VkKVOsGRTfSuy8tqYD51RwQFMHHVGWOTkeCTdHmRS4WaJh8do6i2wrTU-wxXoK8tUl0NnJGdscmcjUB_IoZYcHcI0e2-pZZ_2PUDiZIXh2nIKZB9xlc/s320/IMG_3819.jpg" width="256" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">On our vacation to Miramar Beach!!</td></tr>
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Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-43224937565185708832015-07-05T15:26:00.001-07:002015-07-05T15:26:42.733-07:00SurgeryTomorrow Brad is scheduled to have a trial spinal cord stimulator implanted to hopefully help manage the pain. We have been praying BOLD prayers that not only will the pain be minimal afterwards but that Brad will be able to lessen (ELIMINATE) his daily pain medications. We have had many different conversations about pain, medicines, and how he hasn't felt like himself since the injury 3 1/2 years ago. Brad is the most patient, kind-hearted person I know and I want this so badly for him; for him to be pain free and not have the 'fog' that he's felt for too long now. It's just too easy to take our health and absence of pain for granted...<br />
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If all goes well with this trial, they will go back in next Monday (the 13th) to put the permanent stimulator in place. If we do not get the results we want, the trial will be taken out this day as well.<br />
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Please be in prayer with us that this will be the miracle we have been praying for and that he would get some much needed relief.Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-15981416302641874522015-06-16T15:33:00.000-07:002015-06-16T15:33:05.223-07:00Closing ChaptersAnyone who has experienced fertility issues will be able to relate to this post. Anyone who has struggled in any area only to have it come so easy to a close friend will be able to relate, for that matter.<br />
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One of my very best friends, Mariana, just moved away. She and her family have relocated to Texas because of her husband's job. The sad story started about a year ago.<br />
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Mariana and her husband moved to Mississippi in 2010. She was hired at school as the new kindergarten teacher (I was also teaching kindergarten at the time). After school had started and everyone found their routine, we hit it off as co-workers and friends. We had a lot of the same ideas, and she had a lot a good ideas to bring to the team. We loved teaching together that year. However, at the end of that year (my 3rd year in kindergarten) I was ready for a change and was moved to 2nd grade. Somewhere during this time they moved from the apartment they were renting to a house one street up from us in the same neighborhood!<br />
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My first year in 2nd grade was going great and Mariana and I were still finding time to catch up with each other and share ideas when we could. In October she shared that she and her husband were expecting their first baby! At this time, I could absolutely be so excited for them. Brad and I hadn't even starting trying to have a baby at this point. Then in January, Brad's accident happened. Mariana would come up to the hospital during our rehab stay (her husband would bring coffee because he also worked at the hospital) and visit with us once we got home. At this point, Brad and I understood a little more of what it would take to have a baby of our own, but we were still excited for them. <br />
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Mariana had the baby on June 1st and we were so happy to be there at the hospital! For a friend to let you share in that with them was so special for us!<br />
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Time passes, we do two full rounds of IVF, and Mariana is such a great friend through all of this. Even though it was so easy for them to get pregnant the first time, she wasn't pregnant while we were doing our fertility treatments and that made it easier.<br />
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Last summer (2014) Brad and I were thinking that we were ready to do our 3rd round of IVF when Mariana tells me that they are pregnant for the 2nd time. This time, hearing the news absolutely crushed me. I know that she was not doing this to me, to hurt me. However, when you have struggled with something and are still in the struggle, this is what it can feel like at times.<br />
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Early on it wasn't so hard because she wasn't showing yet, but as time went on it became harder and harder. We didn't talk at school, and I didn't share with them what was going on in our lives. I didn't know what to do with my feelings. The only thing I knew to do was to withdraw for the time being. I would talk to Brad everyday about how hard that was, how much I missed her friendship, but how that was the only thing I knew to do. She was very understanding during this time, we talked about how this was hard, and she was very patient.<br />
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Then another bombshell hits. She tells me they are moving to TX in the summer. I cried the rest of the day at school after hearing this news. (This describes my emotions toward her during her pregnancy... mad, envious, sad, crying a lot, confused...) The whole time she is pregnant I'm thinking that after she has the baby it won't be so hard and we will go back to how things were before. I will fall in love with her new baby, and one day she may have the opportunity to be happy for us. Everything will be fine...<br />
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Well, now she is gone and we will never have the time I was counting on. I was able to spend time with her the last few days they were here. I was able to help out with the kids while they were trying to get the last things packed in the cars. I pulled out of the driveway with them. Me going to my house; she moving away.<br />
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Yes, we can stay in touch through texts, calls, and social media, but it will never be the same. I completely missed out on such an exciting time in a best friend's life. I have learned through this time, though, and from other people that sometimes we have to withdraw from certain people during certain times in our lives just to take care of us and what we need at that time. This seems completely selfish and I wish I could have pushed through, believe me I tried. Now, it is like there is a hole because she is not here. I look at her backyard every time I leave the neighborhood. It's weird to think that they are never coming back. The day they left I cried thinking about the regrets, but also about the hardships Brad and I have endured to lead to these feelings.<br />
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It is so great, though, to have such a great friend who doesn't get angry when you have those feelings. Who stands by you and loves you even when you don't feel so friendly towards them. That's who she is. I am so sad that they are gone, but maybe through the distance we can find our way back together and share the closeness we once had.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSPvsMt3khC37SAqPENQnv4y2nEXADTXUGW3Yt73evgg1XVhizEJtsJF4Odl3J__QSRFL7eyj6PWu4Q5l3J2gupmrzyvbWVjqfh0vgNafdQGQ6wil1-BBACt7R1hVIzdxhj09j6gmBkRM/s1600/IMG_3596.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSPvsMt3khC37SAqPENQnv4y2nEXADTXUGW3Yt73evgg1XVhizEJtsJF4Odl3J__QSRFL7eyj6PWu4Q5l3J2gupmrzyvbWVjqfh0vgNafdQGQ6wil1-BBACt7R1hVIzdxhj09j6gmBkRM/s320/IMG_3596.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In the last few crazy minutes before they left!</td></tr>
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Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-90908188408380701362015-06-05T12:01:00.001-07:002015-06-05T12:03:07.713-07:00Graduation and GirlfriendsSo, my little brother (BJ)graduated from high school last Saturday! We are so proud of all of his accomplishments in the classroom and on the soccer field! He is so much fun to be around and always has something funny to say. Whenever we need something he is eager to help. He calls and just wants to come over and hang out. I am so thankful that God blessed us with him 18 years ago! Very much a surprise, but one that I prayed for nightly!<br />
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With it being graduation, this time also reminds me of conversations mom and I had years ago. There are almost 12 years between BJ so I guess once I realized what this meant in timing with his graduation and how my life was "supposed" to look, mom and I would talk about the fact that I would "probably have a child or two" by his graduation. I also had thoughts that he is going to make such a great uncle one day and wouldn't it make more sense for us to have a baby while he is still living at home before moving to college? That way he could be an active part in something so great! But the day came and went and there were no children... Other people had lots of kids... crying during the service, running wild, looking super cute in their Sunday best... but not for us.<br />
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On a positive note, I want to take the time to say how thankful I am (in a weird, I am not alone kind of way) that my best friend Claire is going through some of the same things I am going through. Our friendship is unique because we were friends long before marriage and infertility. We met in middle school, had sleepovers, celebrated birthdays, bridesmaids in weddings, have taken trips together, and now teach at the same school! But because life is crazy and unpredictable, we have grown that much closer. She was so great to bring meals to us at least once a week when we were in rehab. And since then with different procedures Brad and I have had she has done the same. We love to walk after school which turns into our therapy sessions a lot of days. In our situation, though, God has opened up different doors for both of us. Claire and her husband have felt led to adopt and have recently had their name added to the adoption list! They are so excited about this next step and to see where God leads them. Brad and I are going to continue on the "crazy train" of fertility treatments and options as we feel God is leading us!<br />
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I also have another friend (Jill) whom I have met through our blogs who is going through the same thing. They have been on the infertility journey now for years and are still pursuing options. It is so good to have someone to relate to so closely and know that they have been through everything we have. This journey brings so many questions, with very little answers, and having a sounding board keeps you sane. We share our questions about God's goodness through this journey and build one another up when the other is feeling lost and hopeless.<br />
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Having these 2 friends has definitely been a God-thing through this part of our life. Even though it is a sad situation that has helped us find common ground, it has been such a relief as well. One should never have to face troubles alone!<br />
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On a spiritual journey note...<br />
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I have spent the last few weeks feeling that God has been extremely silent. We have had doors open, only to close it seems just as quickly. There are still so many "unknowns" and "uncontrollables" and it feels like we are standing still, but want so badly to move forward and feel closer to God and His will for our lives. I have heard from others that they have experienced these times as well. But when God is being silent, how are we supposed to respond? I feel that I should continue having my "quiet time" but a lot of these times feel more obligatory than out of desire. This is not a good feeling and I just feel crazy and unsettled on the inside. But again, I didn't know what to do with the silence...<br />
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Today I have taken the time to sit outside and catch up on devotions from <u>Proverbs 31 Ministries</u>. This has helped tremendously in finding a new perspective on where we are at this moment. (Below are prayers and thoughts from their daily devotions that have spoken volumes to me... Italics are my thoughts)<br />
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Dear Lord,<br />
I want to process everything I face in life through the filter of Your love. I know You love me. But sometimes it's just hard to understand the circumstances that come my way. I find myself consumed with trying to figure things out rather than looking for Your perspective and trusting You. <br />
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<i>Control is a deceptive emotion. We think we are in control, but we really are not. </i><br />
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"Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." -Philippians 4:8<br />
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<i>This verse reminded me that when I begin to think God is silent, out to get us, trying to make things harder... This is not where we need to let our minds rest. In our core, we know these thoughts to be false and from satan. It's because we are human that it's easy to have these thoughts. But they are not helpful in any way and only drive us further from Him. </i><br />
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"When I open a door, no one can close it. And when I close a door, no one can open it. Listen to what I say." Revelation 3:7b<br />
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<i>God is in COMPLETE control. No amount of planning, researching, stressing, or worrying can change this time we are facing. If God opens it, then it's because He loves us and it's for our best at that time. If God closes it, He loves us just the same, but has something BETTER in mind. How hard it is to think that the disappointments will only lead to something better...!</i><br />
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There have been times when I felt like God was getting in the way of my plans. It seems as if I'd take one step forward and three steps backward.<br />
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<i>This completely describes our life over the past 3 years. Pain, fertility, medical complications, you name it.</i><br />
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If God opens a door or calls us to do something/pray for something, shouldn't it be easier?<br />
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<i>This thought consumes me most days. Why does everything have to be SO hard? But at the same time, it leads to bitterness, confusion, and anger which get us nowhere. </i><br />
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Not all of the answers come right away, but I refuse to give up. I keep reading my Bible and asking God the tough questions. I continue to trust Him and follow His lead even when things don't make sense.<br />
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<i>After reading this, my answer to God's silence became clear. We have to persevere even when it's hard and quiet. <u>We have to trust because our lives were never promised make sense</u>. This is the essence of faith.</i><br />
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A closed door is not God's objection toward me; it's His sovereign protection over me.<br />
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God loves me too much and knows me too well to give me everything I ask for. His protection for me will always override my earthly wants and desires. Even when I have the best intentions in mind, His plan is always better.<br />
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Let me see the potential of a closed door as a divine detour that will lead me closer to You as I wait for something better...<br />
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<i>These last thoughts are the hardest to understand, let alone apply daily. We will always have some form of difficulty, but God knows what He is doing. My goal is to push into Him even more, even when it doesn't make sense, even when it's hard, even when I don't want to. I don't want all of this pain and heartache to be in vain. I want to see, when we get to the other side of some of these difficulties, my growth in Him. I want our journey to inspire and help others. I want others to feel they are not alone. Jesus is with us EVERY step of the way... even when He is silent.</i><br />
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHg9B9UFrCuFvUM8W4CxISs8NoD69sLPHK54UklnXgAgyoX9TjNcIvUf4LgoasZuunkCO6z2Mx4b1yJHLook6pe42Y2doFfn69f81k63Tc_fqJLb8oUpAEsKso1Jy5Vrr2zC-eFMFoZuE/s1600/IMG_3301.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHg9B9UFrCuFvUM8W4CxISs8NoD69sLPHK54UklnXgAgyoX9TjNcIvUf4LgoasZuunkCO6z2Mx4b1yJHLook6pe42Y2doFfn69f81k63Tc_fqJLb8oUpAEsKso1Jy5Vrr2zC-eFMFoZuE/s320/IMG_3301.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">At our church graduation brunch!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">At graduation!</td></tr>
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<tr><td><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBLvkCR-8HL9ggLs6ddGPVtdeXvbR3Mkv7FsmzZo6CVY39V_eeaIMM4CwPFq9oax31k3sCt3YlHKKhahXN_Pu-n1PDDeAb0t5qprBVqMRoNBjuuRvRIxJxufbWxMSjgXEJ8K3Sqp1cbT0/s1600/IMG_3351.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBLvkCR-8HL9ggLs6ddGPVtdeXvbR3Mkv7FsmzZo6CVY39V_eeaIMM4CwPFq9oax31k3sCt3YlHKKhahXN_Pu-n1PDDeAb0t5qprBVqMRoNBjuuRvRIxJxufbWxMSjgXEJ8K3Sqp1cbT0/s320/IMG_3351.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px;">At Iron Horse Grill afterwards!</td></tr>
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<br />Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-61555148934131039752015-03-07T19:43:00.000-08:002015-03-07T19:43:05.624-08:00ReflectionsA quick update...<br />
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We decided to put off the spinal cord stimulator after having 2 different people tell us about hormone replacement therapy. One guy told Brad through a forum that it dramatically helped his chronic pain and has since gotten off of all of his daily pain meds. Another guy does the same thing but not for pain. It just helps him feel better overall. So we talked with our general physician and he said he would be willing to try this out, but that he had never heard of this helping with pain. So we are a month into trying this with me having to give the injection every 2 weeks. Brad has not seen an improvement so far with the pain but we want to give it ample time to work before moving on to something else.<br />
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However, he has been wearing a TENS unit on his chest and back and this has provided some much needed relief. This is definitely not a long-term solution but is working for the time being.<br />
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It is crazy the emotions that one human being can experience. One minute you're fine and happy, knowing that everything in life is working out for a specific reason, being ok with the struggles and heartache, and the next minute the what-if's are flooding in and you feel completely overwhelmed, sad, left behind, and angry.<br />
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Before the accident, life seemed much more "controllable" than it is now. Now, I know that God is always in control and His plan will always succeed for His glory and our good. There are times though, that we have to repeat this to ourselves even when God feels very far away just to get through the moment. For instance, Brad was recently released from wound care from the initial pressure sore and burns on his leg only to have to return a month later because of another pressure in the same spot. We think it was the cause of getting back into a normal routine a little too quickly, but whatever the cause he is having to go back weekly. Because of this, we will not be able to go to an Adventure Skills Workshop that the Shepherd Center in Atlanta hosts. We were really looking forward to this opportunity to try new things and meet other people who have spinal cord injuries.<br />
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Another set of emotions that we often feel is regret...<br />
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I found out last week that one of my closest friends is moving away this summer. She has been an amazing friend and provided support before and since the accident. However, she is about to deliver their second baby since the accident, and I have had the hardest time with her second pregnancy. The first time was during the accident and rehab, so we didn't really know all of the struggles that we would soon be facing. Since then it has proven to be quite the challenge and the only way I knew to cope with the second pregnancy was to withdraw. Trying so hard to keep our eyes on what God is doing in our lives, I had to focus on us for a while, knowing all along that she would be there when I was ready. Now, I see this friend every single day so this has been a very difficult feat. I love this friend so dearly, but I just didn't know how to be happy for them when we are still left with so many questions. I would think about her every single day, with the thought that after the baby was born things would go back to our comfortable normal. Now, we won't get that chance to the same extent because of their moving. I am, though, going to be very intentional with my actions until she leaves and look past my sadness to enjoy the time we have left.<br />
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So many times I have the thought that "this is not what our life was supposed to look like". Brad should still be playing golf, riding his motorcycle to work and his dirt bike with his dad and brother. He should still be kicking the soccer ball in the backyard with my brother and mowing our yard. He should be the one changing all of the light bulbs and pulling the Christmas decorations out of the attic. He should be able to come up behind me and wrap his arms around me and I should be able to hug him with my head to his chest while he rests his head on top of mine (our last hug like this<br />
was the morning of the accident).<br />
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I know from this post that gratitude doesn't seem to be an often-felt emotion, but it honestly is. I am very grateful for friends that are experiencing the same fertility struggles we are, all for different reasons. Some of these friends I have known for many years, while others we have made because of this struggle. Some of these friends have since had babies, while some are still fighting the fight. For this to be such a personal struggle, and one that is not often talked about, these friends have made carrying the burden that much lighter. While having friends going through the same thing at the same time is sad because our struggle is still a common factor, it is an amazing comfort because we are not completely left behind and alone.<br />
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This post seems so sad and there are tears even as I write. While I don't want to present a false impression of how we are on a daily basis, most of the time we are excited about what God is doing in and through us. On the other hand, sadness is still a huge part of our lives.<br />
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I have recently picked back up in Jesus Calling and here are a few excerpts that continue to provide encouragement...<br />
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"I can fit everything into a pattern for good, but only to the extent that you trust Me. I will not necessarily remove your problems, but My wisdom is sufficient to bring good out of every one of them."<br />
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"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength." -1 Corinthians 1:25<br />
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"The One who goes ahead of you, opening up the way, is the same One who stays close and never lets go of your hand... I am everywhere at every time, ceaselessly working on your behalf. That is why your best efforts are trusting Me and living close to Me."<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8AwKk3SLsK-P7G5FtUhx8TwBmKwu_NQ2WF3h4xVW03kVZZ9Fi6-Te2ElI59o3U6HQJC_7Ys9cpqwc73vspJXaGubrp3c8GnVwRPryRFIHv18PBI32m872dQMOOfRwYoI-uXZZgJObfNI/s1600/IMG_2766.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8AwKk3SLsK-P7G5FtUhx8TwBmKwu_NQ2WF3h4xVW03kVZZ9Fi6-Te2ElI59o3U6HQJC_7Ys9cpqwc73vspJXaGubrp3c8GnVwRPryRFIHv18PBI32m872dQMOOfRwYoI-uXZZgJObfNI/s1600/IMG_2766.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Us with BJ at his signing day with Hinds!! So proud!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj5MmHbFvufXPqbPEQ1u-PxwDjj7WzX1g16HoAFXMrkI1QN2cP5bfRNAHlt1x7tDfIr7VZmPsWjs3cuwAm51Nh07LTui8HwTW-uCcf1_THnY4pct4L5pEA1Wfnpznpzz4flAVXjYlwz3E/s1600/IMG_2616.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj5MmHbFvufXPqbPEQ1u-PxwDjj7WzX1g16HoAFXMrkI1QN2cP5bfRNAHlt1x7tDfIr7VZmPsWjs3cuwAm51Nh07LTui8HwTW-uCcf1_THnY4pct4L5pEA1Wfnpznpzz4flAVXjYlwz3E/s1600/IMG_2616.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At the in-laws Christmas morning!</td></tr>
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<br />Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-63262253596994828142014-12-30T18:24:00.001-08:002014-12-30T18:24:05.509-08:00A Series of Unfortunate EventsSo... it's been a while since my last post. I often get comments about how much people enjoy reading the blog, only to feel guilty that I haven't updated in quite a while. The thoughts in the back of my mind are that I'm not going to update until there is positive news to share. However, this is not the life that I want to present. To me, that is one of the negative sides of social media. It's all about posting great and fun times in a person's life but is not totally true to all that someone is experiencing. So, here is my post on things that are not great and fun, but have definitely been our reality for the past 5 months...<br />
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As you know, Brad had all of his hardware taken out back in July. We were told that we would need several weeks to determine if this removal would help with Brad's chronic pain. Not long after the surgery, Brad got a severe UTI, which is common with paraplegics & he has had his fair share. But this one was the worst by far and we were told to go immediately to the ER. We were taken back to an examining/operating room to wait on the results, thinking the whole time that we would be able to go home later that night. However, the infection had gotten into his bloodstream, sepsis, and we had to spend several days and nights at the hospital. The doctors had to monitor daily to make sure that the IV meds were attacking the virus at an appropriate rate before we could go home. This all happened less than a month after the hardware removal.<br />
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After that, Brad was using the laptop at home on the couch. That night while he was getting ready for bed he noticed that he had a pretty good size burn on the side of his leg. The laptop battery on the cord had been pressing against his leg for about an hour resulting in a burn that took at least 2 months to completely heal.<br />
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Only a few weeks after the burn we went to Baton Rouge with my family to watch my brother, BJ, play soccer. That Sunday night after getting home Brad found that he had gotten a pressure sore from the lack of air in his cushion (his first pressure sore to date). We have adapted pretty well to the fact that checking Brad's skin on a very regular basis is now a part of life. I guess, though, that we did not check the 2 days that we were gone and a stage 2 pressure sore was the result. This has led to weekly visits to a wound care center, daily changing of bandages, 8 weeks of sitting at home on the couch (working from home) to get all pressure off of that spot, and not going anywhere we didn't absolutely have to for about 10 weeks to try to help the sore heal faster. Craziness!!!<br />
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Since this incident, just a few weeks ago, Brad was working in the garage with some tools and got 2 more burns on his legs. Sad to say, I was quick to get upset with him for not being more careful. Brad, being the patient soul he is, explained that he is having to correct 25 years of old habits (putting things in his lap, for instance) that he can no longer feel.<br />
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I can't even imagine having to remember and keep up with everything that Brad has to check on a daily basis. It would wear you down to hear all that he has to do everyday, simply as a result of the paralysis just to try to stay as healthy as he can.<br />
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There is good news in all of this, though. Because of the pressure sore the doctor was able to look at the laptop burn and treat it, as well as the burns that have just recently happened. I have already mentioned that the laptop burn has healed (still pretty dark though) and we are happy that the pressure sore has just recently completely closed in. However, this spot will be susceptible to skin issues later on so we will always need to be mindful of sitting for extending periods of time. Brad has also gotten a new wheelchair cushion because of the pressure sore so we are hopeful that this will help.<br />
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We have since found that the removal of the hardware did not provide the relief Brad was hoping for and the next step is to implant a spinal cord stimulator. This will be leads placed against his spinal cord with a receiver placed towards the bottom and side of his back. He will also have a remote to make adjustments to help with the pain he is feeling at that time. This will not stop the pain but block the signal of pain to the brain. He will have the trial version of this done on January 19 and we will stay over night for monitoring. If he feels that it has helped over the following week, the permanent version will be completed that following Monday. We have known all along that this would be a last resort option as we are now facing this operation. The surgeon feels very confident that this will help with Brad's pain a substantial amount.<br />
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God is moving and showing up in other ways in our lives, as well. We are very grateful for these things and for the knowledge that we are never alone (Job 7:19). He is the God who sees us (Gen. 16:13), the God who hears us (Ishmael: Gen. 16:11), and the God who is with us (Immanuel: Matt. 1:23).<br />
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Thank you so much for your continued support and prayers. This is very much appreciated as we still cope with a new life, new expectations, and wait for prayers/miracles to be answered.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCxNMvKV5wcHEFg7a0UahwJk-ZEOMG7M5BbU_t3xZQ76nltvrTpaZ6-ONyP_tsd66zzDDASCj7yRrbhLe1W2kXIDmx_Zjq7zUMMH7po8O8JjaftQkzgz8Bcn2iaHxyhzXknMfNCIvQYl8/s1600/Christmas+Card+2014.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCxNMvKV5wcHEFg7a0UahwJk-ZEOMG7M5BbU_t3xZQ76nltvrTpaZ6-ONyP_tsd66zzDDASCj7yRrbhLe1W2kXIDmx_Zjq7zUMMH7po8O8JjaftQkzgz8Bcn2iaHxyhzXknMfNCIvQYl8/s1600/Christmas+Card+2014.jpg" height="228" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brad did an amazing job on our Christmas card, as usual!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAQl9ttzkhU6G1x2UkygkkyWyNQgo65IVxucibxxmY8aT3krjR_OiqiEjoK_QXmNjNnH4mCmf1-4xynBaQUwZL6tCIAzkxZno8fKTLqqw6Ya05KRc_2FNj7CSwQqU2unLXaXB-t1y_T-E/s1600/DSC00302.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAQl9ttzkhU6G1x2UkygkkyWyNQgo65IVxucibxxmY8aT3krjR_OiqiEjoK_QXmNjNnH4mCmf1-4xynBaQUwZL6tCIAzkxZno8fKTLqqw6Ya05KRc_2FNj7CSwQqU2unLXaXB-t1y_T-E/s1600/DSC00302.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is one of her favorite spots!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Y6EgXedC_nK_aC550IQiMgeu-UHRWXz0RWDqFe5ve78XKeQRxf-Um6wiM05S7iKbXOsw1ADRrPCtxImIPyJmS5pk-HVl40OGgMmgEEkTzRaODQ44W4fuX87XgelNhf-FosRVMyrf9U4/s1600/DSC07459.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Y6EgXedC_nK_aC550IQiMgeu-UHRWXz0RWDqFe5ve78XKeQRxf-Um6wiM05S7iKbXOsw1ADRrPCtxImIPyJmS5pk-HVl40OGgMmgEEkTzRaODQ44W4fuX87XgelNhf-FosRVMyrf9U4/s1600/DSC07459.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How cute is he??!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicIbA9tRo5UCwKFmzqn20ZVtYtpZlo3FPv477whV87nqWqXUep3MhYKFCSi_m2_ejId1LaEPiNN-hY4e9kvFNVfpEKzj76XsLZ-CF1RVbc_OdKAd0wFet6k6yMu4hPd_3m6BV4zmx-o40/s1600/IMG_2585.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicIbA9tRo5UCwKFmzqn20ZVtYtpZlo3FPv477whV87nqWqXUep3MhYKFCSi_m2_ejId1LaEPiNN-hY4e9kvFNVfpEKzj76XsLZ-CF1RVbc_OdKAd0wFet6k6yMu4hPd_3m6BV4zmx-o40/s1600/IMG_2585.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Merry Christmas! </td></tr>
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<br />Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-31489772619084210632014-07-26T13:55:00.000-07:002014-07-26T13:55:08.566-07:00Attitude In SufferingThank you all so much for your prayers, messages, meals, calls, etc. over the past 2 weeks. Being home from the hospital is always welcome! Brad has continued to recover from the surgery at a pretty fast rate, much better than we thought! We won't know if the surgery has helped with the pain from the hardware that was removed or the nerve pain until his body has had time to completely recover from the surgery (about 6 weeks).<br />
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However, coming home also brings with it the hard reality that is our life; a former life that has completely changed and a future life that is NOTHING how we ever would have chosen. This surgery, pain from surgery, and increased nerve pain because of the surgery has brought back many painful, unbearable memories and feelings of rehab and the initial shock of our new life. Having surgery is one thing, but being in a chair makes getting around and doing the day-to-day things much harder. Chronic pain on top of this makes our situation very overwhelming. Our thoughts get the better of us some days. It makes us feel so alone because no one we know is going through this exact same thing. These are all just the outward circumstances that can be seen. Behind closed doors are many more feelings and situations that are even harder to accept and deal with it.<br />
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We have talked in detail about how our attitudes are a vital tool to how we look at our life now and everything that is involved. We CHOOSE how we react, we CHOOSE whether or not we get angry or turn to God for the help that we so desperately need. We have much more power over our thoughts than I'd like to admit! It's easy to say that because of this or that, this is how I'm going to respond (negatively) because there is no other way to do so. On the other side of this, it is hopeful that we can CHOOSE to have a positive outlook and be thankful DAILY for all that He is doing in and through us.<br />
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Another topic that keeps coming up is the fact that when God calls us to do something, and then that fails, that it was still in His plan. This has been extremely hard to consider and accept. If God tells us to do something we think, with our finite minds, that it should work out the first time. Brad and I know definitively that God called us to pursue and follow through with 2 rounds of IVF. For whatever reason, these did not work out but we know they were still part of His plan. John Piper mentions in his book Desiring God that nothing we do can thwart His plan. We believe that if we are praying for His will and guidance, God will give us a peace about what to do and when to do so. When we feel that God is opening doors for a particular situation and allowing peace in our hearts to do something, our prayer has become for Him to close doors if this is not what He wants. Continue to allow peace or close doors. Outside of that, we shouldn't beat ourselves up over His motives, our motives, timing, disappointments, outcomes. He is completely sovereign and knows our every day!<br />
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I am reading Nancy Guthrie's book Be Still, My Soul: Embracing God's Purpose and Provision in Suffering (25 Classic and Contemporary Readings on the Problem of Pain). In the chapter titled Hoped-for Healing, J.I. Packer brings up many good thoughts and examples on how we should look at our suffering. He focuses on Paul's thorn in the flesh (2 Corinthians 12:7-10). The bulleted list below is from this chapter...<br />
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*Jesus' miracles are decisive evidence for all time of who he is and what power he has.<br />
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*What God has promised and when he will give it are separate questions.<br />
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*But supernatural healings in equal abundance to those worked in the days of Jesus' flesh may not be his will today. The question concerns his purpose, not his power.<br />
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*Further it is true that blessing is missed where faith is lacking. But even in New Testament times, among leaders who cannot be accused of lacking faith, healing was not universal.<br />
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*Paul himself lived with "a thorn in the flesh" that went unhealed. In 2 Corinthians 12:7-9, he tells us that in three solemn seasons of prayer he had asked Christ, the Lord and the Healer, to take it from him. But the hoped-for healing did not occur.<br />
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*It was a distressing disability from which Paul could have been delivered on the spot, had Christ so willed. So Paul lived with pain. The thorn, given him under God's providence, operated as "a messenger of Satan, to harass me" (2 Cor. 12:7) because it tempted him to think hard thoughts about the God who let him suffer, and in resentment to cut back his ministry.<br />
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*Such thoughts were "flaming darts of the evil one" (Eph. 6:16) with which he had to contend constantly as the thorn remain unhealed.<br />
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*Is there a single servant of Christ who cannot point to some "thorn in the flesh", from which he has prayed to be released, but that has been given him by God to keep him humble, and therefore fruitful? -Philip Hughes<br />
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*Paul perceived, however, that the thorn was given him not for punishment but for protection. Physical weakness guarded him against spiritual sickness.<br />
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*"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (v.9). It was as if the Savior was saying, "I can demonstrate my power better by not eliminating your problem. It is better for you, Paul, and for my glory in your life, that I show my strength by keeping you going though the thorn remains."<br />
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*So Paul embraced his continuing disability as a kind of privilege, "I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me (v.9).<br />
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*God uses chronic pain and weakness, along with other afflictions, as his chisel for sculpting our lives. Felt weakness deepens dependence on Christ for strength each day. The weaker we feel, the harder we lean. And the harder we lean, the stronger we grow spiritually. To live with your "thorn" uncomplainingly, sweet, patient, and free in heart to love and help others, even though every day you feel weak, is true sanctification. It is true healing for the spirit.<br />
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This is a lot to consider and I so badly want to think and ALWAYS feel that our suffering is a privilege. However, we are human and self-pity is always going to try to creep in. We are, though, reaching this conclusion faster with each new circumstance than we were a few years ago. Our attitude is a daily, momentary choice...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkvjye_GFkJFs8lA-_ziiMr0f4dL0dCFIJhNyJ9wQHoM8yTyGti32fNS161-z-HakrsF5MX9a3DvwUQmaQDAOlJeB9sdlxBcD2l19bVLKSv9FAuyvyJiRByLsQxPDlGId4c5jsRHYkhNw/s1600/DSC01942.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkvjye_GFkJFs8lA-_ziiMr0f4dL0dCFIJhNyJ9wQHoM8yTyGti32fNS161-z-HakrsF5MX9a3DvwUQmaQDAOlJeB9sdlxBcD2l19bVLKSv9FAuyvyJiRByLsQxPDlGId4c5jsRHYkhNw/s1600/DSC01942.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A sweet little bird family on our back fence! (Look how fat the third one from the left is! Oh my goodness!)</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihucP_2PC2-yP8wplKuoBKOVfJBtHfOl1OHSSG5EuZU2v2zV-Aq3-iLM3XTRSLCRJERyfAjE1Izx8tRnmvwNnGUBML_2LqQj4QCNie33B7Yt7lo3gcEA1koQWOYlLSs6bISh3NpfspIOI/s1600/DSC02915.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihucP_2PC2-yP8wplKuoBKOVfJBtHfOl1OHSSG5EuZU2v2zV-Aq3-iLM3XTRSLCRJERyfAjE1Izx8tRnmvwNnGUBML_2LqQj4QCNie33B7Yt7lo3gcEA1koQWOYlLSs6bISh3NpfspIOI/s1600/DSC02915.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This was from our trip to LSU's botanic gardens. This momma was not too happy with us!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4zNh0UU9PSyNXwcvw_yjWE69nbJV9T2zGo1RWe5o0bqGy8sxd-i4Dpio7EPB6b2fMjbEitxUajir-YFBbRP6fMbVI_E9zs2LqvWs2xc278wYfVE1LdMPspNu-P6X5DiQyBS2H6Xc4OZ8/s1600/DSC04426.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4zNh0UU9PSyNXwcvw_yjWE69nbJV9T2zGo1RWe5o0bqGy8sxd-i4Dpio7EPB6b2fMjbEitxUajir-YFBbRP6fMbVI_E9zs2LqvWs2xc278wYfVE1LdMPspNu-P6X5DiQyBS2H6Xc4OZ8/s1600/DSC04426.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We are obsessed with humming birds!</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioqRbNP5KnRowgTwZ8dg6oN8oHUml8tqbZsBVaAKSHmwpMtsXnq-pwJV1PQ32xPnlXvj956Bv84PtzgdgM5kVVf3bZwYtlSOHT_gkEDNfR5gFah-eI9m6K0kKFjvQ7_yb4TBcSXwqB8tE/s1600/photo+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioqRbNP5KnRowgTwZ8dg6oN8oHUml8tqbZsBVaAKSHmwpMtsXnq-pwJV1PQ32xPnlXvj956Bv84PtzgdgM5kVVf3bZwYtlSOHT_gkEDNfR5gFah-eI9m6K0kKFjvQ7_yb4TBcSXwqB8tE/s1600/photo+2.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0fvbWF9V6ks2K92kI7VTh2NqD6nISxeiipiWTIVcKZWPE3IcczSPuiqWzxr2xfipi2TWPF5flEN-m5vrEH2z_9Qe54LY-YqkP9SZRdV6EjqL8aFFAhq0ncKAzmW6IW3DlsnxRgnK9T9c/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0fvbWF9V6ks2K92kI7VTh2NqD6nISxeiipiWTIVcKZWPE3IcczSPuiqWzxr2xfipi2TWPF5flEN-m5vrEH2z_9Qe54LY-YqkP9SZRdV6EjqL8aFFAhq0ncKAzmW6IW3DlsnxRgnK9T9c/s1600/photo.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I don't think we take enough pictures of these two!! </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdtjPq__FMo6UltqdkEEpu0CYBzHt6iAaNBEjpsZuGqrZH1qBwjJxaXCjuQWjEDvNQbGpb52kiX0ryltTnehgcK0GwBV61TrvPVjZG2-jYZtfYk-N3NO4REPKpBR0x3sYUkzganEDykNM/s1600/DSC01792.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdtjPq__FMo6UltqdkEEpu0CYBzHt6iAaNBEjpsZuGqrZH1qBwjJxaXCjuQWjEDvNQbGpb52kiX0ryltTnehgcK0GwBV61TrvPVjZG2-jYZtfYk-N3NO4REPKpBR0x3sYUkzganEDykNM/s1600/DSC01792.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Birds love our backyard!</td></tr>
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<br />Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-62507281006771963452014-07-09T17:36:00.002-07:002014-07-09T17:36:34.618-07:00He knows the way through the waves<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOq-_IjJyYC_De9_TRavNN3Y43e6GNSdzCGtkcAW_SmGQrCXKNNU3e0KYTvOrDc4fUvCS3XRwe8nBYXIt6L1ExU5EwuxP34fCTfVYQxRC09ONKxp4uMEt54caJzga5OUjwzi21vlhyphenhyphenw6g/s1600/photo+3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOq-_IjJyYC_De9_TRavNN3Y43e6GNSdzCGtkcAW_SmGQrCXKNNU3e0KYTvOrDc4fUvCS3XRwe8nBYXIt6L1ExU5EwuxP34fCTfVYQxRC09ONKxp4uMEt54caJzga5OUjwzi21vlhyphenhyphenw6g/s1600/photo+3.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Reservoir- so peaceful</td></tr>
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"Dear friends, don't be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you. Instead, be very glad- for these trials make you partners with Christ in his suffering, so that you will have the wonderful joy of seeing his glory when it is revealed to all the world." -1 Peter 4: 12 & 13<br />
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One of the hardest things to deal with, besides the paralysis itself, is chronic pain. We were never told this would be a possibility or concern, so when the pain started getting worse about 6 months after rehab we were taken by surprise. Brad had terrible pain during rehab, mostly from the trauma his body was going through and the lengthy back surgery to stabilize his spine. Since then, the pain has gotten progressively worse. This is a battle that Brad faces daily, minute-by-minute. He has tried all of the meds the doctors can think of, with little to no help. This has been about a 2 year process of trial and error.<br />
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Recently, Brad started contemplating the thought of having his hardware removed from his back. Keep in mind that about 90% of people who have hardware like Brad's never have it removed. The surgeon fused his spine above and below his injury level and the rods and screws were inserted to help the healing process and to stabilize the fusion. He was originally scheduled to have the surgery on June 13. However, we weren't sure it was the right move at the time, we wanted a 2nd opinion, and wanted to feel completely at peace with such a major surgery. We wanted God to make it clear that this was something we should or should not do. We prayed specifically for this peace for a few months.<br />
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We had the 2nd opinion with another surgeon and he said he would absolutely have the hardware removed, especially considering the amount of pain Brad faces daily. There was no question whether or not he would do it; if it were his son he would recommend having it taken out. Ok, there was our sign from God!<br />
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Brad is finally having the surgery this Friday, July 11th. We were told by the surgeon (our original surgeon) that the recovery period should be about 2-4 weeks. We are not under any impressions that this surgery will relieve all of Brad's pain (most of it being neuropathic pain) but we also know that God is capable of doing anything (Matt. 19:26)! We have reached the conclusion that the possibility of relieving some of the pain is worth the surgery and recovery.<br />
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We are reminded, daily, that we have so little control of our circumstances and the trials we are facing. We do know, though, that God knows the way through the waves (Joni Eareckson Tada) and the only thing we are called to do is to keep our eyes on Him and trust the process.<br />
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Please keep Brad, the surgeon, myself, and our families in your prayers as we face this scary but hopeful next step on our journey...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyNUZWCMQ1xkhkZwkYvQb7OVX-ek5kLXi1ybj_xcRel_tyvLP5xp8pwX4mgKTQrNeFwBuRrQqQgmtTnI18LirLrw7e1ML_Sh6NKXUqTItANiJy7v2jiv8xbXwC8fqcNvkDN0v96thGCcc/s1600/photo+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyNUZWCMQ1xkhkZwkYvQb7OVX-ek5kLXi1ybj_xcRel_tyvLP5xp8pwX4mgKTQrNeFwBuRrQqQgmtTnI18LirLrw7e1ML_Sh6NKXUqTItANiJy7v2jiv8xbXwC8fqcNvkDN0v96thGCcc/s1600/photo+1.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This book means so much to me. Amazing rules to apply daily!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKSkZk0goiYXky5vnN3qpz93d2F8tRCVMDfL8viewwZlAMj9d5suR_JkDK00CMJkRcNG8YlRbXiKrj8p3aX_yyudmGcsWZFZuxNLr7CFqz-GglCN5SZtLaIt2vY73SgycMuGCuFmju-_E/s1600/photo+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKSkZk0goiYXky5vnN3qpz93d2F8tRCVMDfL8viewwZlAMj9d5suR_JkDK00CMJkRcNG8YlRbXiKrj8p3aX_yyudmGcsWZFZuxNLr7CFqz-GglCN5SZtLaIt2vY73SgycMuGCuFmju-_E/s1600/photo+2.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Happy 4th!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSbFQTJlQYjCHEWFtLZWn3npJp-n2bDNusfXqPmD_v9WI83CnCYLQ9buZ-rB0U9t2zImAida_gGBd3h8QPMjlrJ4yLizrUzrqZ1GgxNgxOKnxRbdZhFfx-oPgLqYyV-uiT9WAr4z1XdUE/s1600/photo+4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSbFQTJlQYjCHEWFtLZWn3npJp-n2bDNusfXqPmD_v9WI83CnCYLQ9buZ-rB0U9t2zImAida_gGBd3h8QPMjlrJ4yLizrUzrqZ1GgxNgxOKnxRbdZhFfx-oPgLqYyV-uiT9WAr4z1XdUE/s1600/photo+4.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our first boat ride since the accident!</td></tr>
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<br />Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-45769327772852783962014-06-25T13:40:00.001-07:002014-06-25T13:40:17.351-07:00Joni and Friends Family Retreat<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg512snsIVuRpStJGngTQmR8ijqBAMY3OUCgtvLJUPX_GNZgQ9etZR4tvGJDr5jy1DULoSu8e37OyPpmsUiUmpsEUc10Awv0wYTXNfVHq0b1QIL8qMu7RZNU38latBuJ-_RzbzTegjDIJA/s1600/photo+7.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg512snsIVuRpStJGngTQmR8ijqBAMY3OUCgtvLJUPX_GNZgQ9etZR4tvGJDr5jy1DULoSu8e37OyPpmsUiUmpsEUc10Awv0wYTXNfVHq0b1QIL8qMu7RZNU38latBuJ-_RzbzTegjDIJA/s1600/photo+7.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Words can not even describe!!</td></tr>
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Brad and I got back last week from our first Family Retreat! This is a retreat for families with disabilities put on by the Joni and Friends organization. This was the first retreat for the Jackson office and it was held at Camp ASCCA in eastern Alabama. We really had no idea what to expect...<br />
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We arrived to camp late Monday night so we missed orientation, how meals work, what the schedule would look like, etc. This was particularly nerve-wracking because we went not knowing anyone! The next morning at breakfast we were standing around because the dining hall was completely full of people (very overwhelming)! A nice mom shared with us how the meals were distributed (you sit at a table and the meals are brought to you) so we found a table with 2 spare seats. Everyone was so nice and made us feel right at home.<br />
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We looked over the schedule and decided we didn't want to split up into men and women activities for the majority of the day so we joined the young adults/singles group. This was an amazing experience because we met so many amazing campers, STM's (short-term missionaries) and camp staff (the most amazing, eager, and willing to help group of people EVER!!!). We had the opportunity to try the zip-line, zip-tower (taller and a further distance), tubing, pool (for the first time since the accident), putt-putt, and water slide.<br />
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On the way to camp Brad and I were talking about what trying all of these activities would look in actuality. We were very skeptical that ALL of these activities would be accessible; they were! We were also not sure how Brad would be able to participate even if they were; the camp staff took charge and told us exactly what to do! To trump all of these concerns was the issue of pride and allowing others to help us when we are so use to doing it all ourselves.<br />
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"When <b>pride</b> comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." -Proverbs 11:2<br />
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"A man's <b>pride</b> brings him low, but a man of a lowly spirit gains honor." -Proverbs 29:23<br />
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"The end of the matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than <b>pride</b>." -Ecclesiates 7:8<br />
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Brad handled the offer of help with such humility, and I let go of my need to be the primary source of help. Because of this, we were able to fully let go and enjoy these 'simple' activities, even if they were done in a way we had never tried before.<br />
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The families we met and friends we made throughout the week have left such an impression on our lives. Our eyes have been opened like never before. Once again, the realization that even on our worst days someone always has it worse really brings our suffering into perspective. The truth is God told us there would be trouble. At the same time, He told us not to worry, He had overcome the world (John 16:33). He told us there would be trials and tribulations in our lives, so why are we so taken aback when confronted with these struggles? He lived the perfect life (I can't even wrap my mind around this fact) and died the most horrific death. Because of this we are free in our trials because we know they will not be forever and that we will experience an eternity of 'perfectness'!<br />
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While at camp, we were also able to meet such an inspiring couple, also touched by heartache at such a young age, Jay and Katherine Wolf. Being able to connect to another couple who was married at the time of their tragedy (3 years like us) and so young at the time (26 just like us) was such a comfort. We have an amazing support system of friends here at home and that we have met through the accident, but none that we could so closely relate to. Please visit their website and follow their journey as they embrace the ministry they have been called to... <a href="http://www.hopeheals.com/">www.hopeheals.com</a><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxPTb14JnKLH-LRdwUqxzXY1qxc5TXBhJhC_Fdvm3VCjxfjwka6cX3tOAaokGC8SFb5lD_s3rsl7iYf_xV_I5Yspo9zZ_JgLPWXI2oyrQjY_UEHOZilySuEf4NSOAFHWn6_GiuTK_DQfQ/s1600/IMG_8495.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxPTb14JnKLH-LRdwUqxzXY1qxc5TXBhJhC_Fdvm3VCjxfjwka6cX3tOAaokGC8SFb5lD_s3rsl7iYf_xV_I5Yspo9zZ_JgLPWXI2oyrQjY_UEHOZilySuEf4NSOAFHWn6_GiuTK_DQfQ/s1600/IMG_8495.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At the campfire with Jay and Katherine!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI8qTIKWpRQhkaVdlwxfMXhRMr1jQ_2ZRm-81NiUJ_fzK-0NMBVM9jjg9tzbfRaEQ8sP3-FBSd5sKfSYSiEFV_V-zhLcESi3eKq3a2uHplhiRDcyhUdrj4kArE0Iu2u8jBp2S2bV3uCrE/s1600/photo+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI8qTIKWpRQhkaVdlwxfMXhRMr1jQ_2ZRm-81NiUJ_fzK-0NMBVM9jjg9tzbfRaEQ8sP3-FBSd5sKfSYSiEFV_V-zhLcESi3eKq3a2uHplhiRDcyhUdrj4kArE0Iu2u8jBp2S2bV3uCrE/s1600/photo+1.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brad pulled himself to the top of the zip-line platform!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp1-EY_uQpwRvfCKO2XnxSTZeuLX1RqNXVHVIw59X_QLjRhS5egGlcUpE9rIv_cjCcKRCGvSHYltJEtTk1bwvk_0rfjEMHrNE-NjRlCKGhCae7q0_LxzrJG4Ml6TmoKuOnhcpdUZyH2pM/s1600/photo+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp1-EY_uQpwRvfCKO2XnxSTZeuLX1RqNXVHVIw59X_QLjRhS5egGlcUpE9rIv_cjCcKRCGvSHYltJEtTk1bwvk_0rfjEMHrNE-NjRlCKGhCae7q0_LxzrJG4Ml6TmoKuOnhcpdUZyH2pM/s1600/photo+2.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Excited we got to try something new!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6BZHa_lp70W9GHLgnO0TgUrLMqralO-lbRYg8FTWJ7s0mYGu0ZSrGgILuLacQOtKpi00tNxpHP4Js6yPM_TWHiU52n-FtXBfPxyFVc_Jbxi3uGcVfYl6RWSDmGVS-zESBYsSKOXCMkLo/s1600/photo+3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6BZHa_lp70W9GHLgnO0TgUrLMqralO-lbRYg8FTWJ7s0mYGu0ZSrGgILuLacQOtKpi00tNxpHP4Js6yPM_TWHiU52n-FtXBfPxyFVc_Jbxi3uGcVfYl6RWSDmGVS-zESBYsSKOXCMkLo/s1600/photo+3.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's finally our turn!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb7CI1ighuikHSZIWfM41OJKvEWN4Ov5n2rxhWXZgQxUi-67kAgGbNmU8eAFLG1AmSHHJACsLyHc7V65RctJ8QzKAKoNlEhULewKdo78zT-rFRt5k-VE1qRcP_UpOKqvNDh_8JtVZPIjo/s1600/photo+4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgb7CI1ighuikHSZIWfM41OJKvEWN4Ov5n2rxhWXZgQxUi-67kAgGbNmU8eAFLG1AmSHHJACsLyHc7V65RctJ8QzKAKoNlEhULewKdo78zT-rFRt5k-VE1qRcP_UpOKqvNDh_8JtVZPIjo/s1600/photo+4.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Swimming was a completely new and weird experience; so grateful for the opportunity! Thank you Myra Penn for your help!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVctC_kneTzutYOFIoIlKjPLlB-WwkZSS7tJ0Plw8f7XZOyfZB4mQDKdgOIozr2z59z8PyhwGqgYiltivNZY31QPG_n-tRJqfZKCcubglpgo96xUSAzktqMwsLjCSiAOMcXDEre8ggYrU/s1600/photo+5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVctC_kneTzutYOFIoIlKjPLlB-WwkZSS7tJ0Plw8f7XZOyfZB4mQDKdgOIozr2z59z8PyhwGqgYiltivNZY31QPG_n-tRJqfZKCcubglpgo96xUSAzktqMwsLjCSiAOMcXDEre8ggYrU/s1600/photo+5.JPG" height="320" width="308" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We also had the opportunity to meet Judy Spiegle. She was injured when she was 18 and went on to compete in the paralympics!! Such an amazing lady!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhSxYesy4J-UfeIqrJnq5nbBpZphUw6VtIUv-eTGKnvicckbA7ILLObkiI8KMauj4hZoQPbmwPY1F1Jqs9asCGr0hmpkHPtTmQrWbGrPr6xL0ROhCLz0gYNrPT-Z5I9mo9fqJ4LZPgPk0/s1600/photo+6.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhSxYesy4J-UfeIqrJnq5nbBpZphUw6VtIUv-eTGKnvicckbA7ILLObkiI8KMauj4hZoQPbmwPY1F1Jqs9asCGr0hmpkHPtTmQrWbGrPr6xL0ROhCLz0gYNrPT-Z5I9mo9fqJ4LZPgPk0/s1600/photo+6.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Snuck away from the dance for some time alone...!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4wtkBRU16lX48a8l1P1BNAA1cMwASjGVZ24AlgbSizWKRdeHo_USDDjrtWlH9AITPqG2DavS0D1FJ_Fv6L3_Kd9PIm6sLXBbOoSr2TsRLQmt4-aOR1Y9deW5bHmLfr32wQ-N-DZbiZs8/s1600/photo+8.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4wtkBRU16lX48a8l1P1BNAA1cMwASjGVZ24AlgbSizWKRdeHo_USDDjrtWlH9AITPqG2DavS0D1FJ_Fv6L3_Kd9PIm6sLXBbOoSr2TsRLQmt4-aOR1Y9deW5bHmLfr32wQ-N-DZbiZs8/s1600/photo+8.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Getting Brad harnessed up to climb the 90 degree rock wall, really??!! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
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<br />
<br />Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-41921267876790884312014-06-03T19:14:00.000-07:002014-06-03T19:14:28.138-07:00With Great PurposeI have recently read the book I referenced in my last post, <u>Joni & Ken: An Untold Love Story. </u>The title for this post is a title of one of her chapters and speaks volumes to me at this point in our story...<br />
<br />
Brad and I feel ready, and have prayed for this opportunity, to share our struggles with trying to have a baby.<br />
<br />
We began our journey over a year ago, March - May of 2013. We decided we were not going to tell our parents and extended family simply for the surprise factor. Brad and I always wanted this news to be exciting, and thought about different ways we would tell our families when our time finally came.<br />
<br />
After consulting with multiple doctors and specialists, due to the type and level of Brad's spinal cord injury, we were told we weren't going to be able to get pregnant naturally. So we decided to proceed with IVF. We had always heard of IVF, but had no idea EVERYTHING it entailed until we were in the middle of it. I had heard bits and pieces of how emotional the process is and how hard it is on the body. You have no idea the extent of these effects until you are giving yourself shots twice a day and your body is going nuts in the process. Everyone tells you, no matter how you are trying to get pregnant, not to stress out. Well, IVF is so closely monitored that you know how your body is responding, good or bad, the entire way. We did our best to hand everything to God and trust in His process and timing. However, we were absolutely sure that this was a fool-proof process, especially at our age. There was no way this wasn't going to work; the thought never even crossed our minds.<br />
<br />
The doctor kept saying that, at my age, we should have a pretty good chance at getting an adequate number of eggs, to then be fertilized, and finally to become embryos. We were able to follow our progress via an online portal. Having said that, this tool can be helpful but very stressful at the same time. We were getting updates daily on how many eggs they were able to retrieve (7) and how many actually fertilized. After this step in the process, they go ahead and schedule the transfer of your embryos, not knowing exactly how many they will have to work with. Brad and I were hopeful that we would have at least 2, maybe 3, to proceed with the transfer. However, you're not completely sure how many embryos you have and that they will be transferring until the day of the transfer. Turns out that we only ended up with <b>one, 1,</b> embryo. We got this news as we were in the operating room and I was getting prepped. Having gone through so much (emotionally, physically, financially) this was devastating news. Yes, we had one but we had our mind on at least 2. We continued with the transfer and waited our <b>ten, 10, </b>days until we could have blood work to see if we were pregnant. Ten days!!! Are you kidding me? That was the longest 10 days ever! I was taking it easy, laying around the house, trying to be as "stress free" as I could.<br />
<br />
On day 10 we went to have my blood taken and my number came back lower than they would have liked, but still not a negative pregnancy number. We went back 2 days later and my number had doubled, but still not as high as it should have been. At this point, Mother's Day 2013, we had our parents and brothers over and told them that we were pregnant! We were told to be cautiously optimistic and told our families this much, but we were all still so excited! Went back 2 days later and they told me that my numbers were not growing like they would like and didn't think this pregnancy would continue. They were right. We had done a full cycle of IVF with only 1 embryo, none to freeze for a later date, and came away with NOTHING. Like I said before, we were positive this was going to work, so you can imagine how upset and lost we were. We went from 7, to 1, to nothing.<br />
<br />
After talking with the doctor about options/going forward from this point, we felt God was telling us to do it again, especially with me being out for the summer (June-August of 2013). So, we started the entire process over. The doctor doubled my meds to hopefully get my body to respond better, and it did. This is such a painful process I can't even explain. Now, you have to understand something about me. I <u style="font-weight: bold;">HATE </u>needles, blood work, shots, the whole nine yards. My fear of this made me want to be the only one doing the shots and mixing all of the meds. Brad offered to do these for me, but I wanted to be in complete control. My poor tummy looked like a bruised pin cushion :(<br />
<br />
My body responded so well that we had to cut down on some of the meds. On the retrieval day, they were able to retrieve 15 eggs this time! We were so pumped! Twice as many as last time. On our transfer day, we were told they would be transferring 2 embryos this time, but that was all we had, still none to freeze for later. We thought for sure it would work this time, especially with our chances having doubled. Our ten days (more like 10 years!) passed and we had the blood work done again. It still was not a negative test but my numbers were not high. After having one or two more blood tests done, my number did go to a negative pregnancy test. Of course, it happened the first time why not twice? We went from 15, to 2, to nothing.<br />
<br />
At this point, having gone through 2 full rounds of IVF in a 6 month period with still nothing to show for it, we were so confused. Hadn't God given us the funds to do this, twice? Hadn't He allowed the timing to work out perfectly with our schedules? Hadn't we been through enough already?<br />
<br />
We are learning daily, and very slowly, that God's timing is perfect; He is never late. For the time being, we are completely at peace with waiting. We are enjoying our time together riding bikes, going on a few trips, and growing in Christ. We have learned to press into His Presence like never before and trust that we are always in His thoughts. He knows exactly what is going to happen, and that is such a comforting thought. One day, we will see the bigger picture and hopefully understand why things happened the way they did. Until then, we continue to pray for His guidance and peace. We are excited to see what God has planned for us! Hopefully, we will be parents one day and will be able to reflect on this time in our lives and see/appreciate even more so how far we have come! Hopefully, this is the dark before our morning...!!!<br />
<br />
This song brings so much promise and hope... Josh Wilson <u>Before The Morning:</u><br />
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Do you wonder why you have
to,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Feel the things that hurt
you,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">If there's a God who loves
you,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Where is He now?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Maybe, there are things you
can't see<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And all those things are
happening<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">To bring a better ending<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Some day, some how, you'll
see, you'll see<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Would dare you, would you
dare, to believe,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">That you still have a reason
to sing,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">'cause the pain you've been
feeling,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Can't compare to the joy
that's coming<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So hold on, you got to wait
for the light<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Press on, just fight the good
fight<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Because the pain you've been
feeling, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It's just the dark before the
morning<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">My friend, you know how this
all ends<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And you know where you're
going,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">You just don't know how you
get there<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So just say a prayer.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">And hold on, cause there's
good who love God,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Life is not a snapshot, it
might take a little time,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">But you'll see the bigger
picture<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Would dare you, would you
dare, to believe,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">That you still have a reason
to sing,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">'cause the pain you've been
feeling,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Can't compare to the joy
that's coming<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So hold on, you got to wait
for the light<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Press on, just fight the good
fight<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Because the pain you've been
feeling, <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">It's just the dark before the
morning<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Yeah, yeah,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Before the morning,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Yeah, yeah<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Once you feel the way of
glory,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">All your pain will fade to
memory<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Once you feel the way of
glory,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">All your pain will fade to
memory<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Memory, memory, yeah<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Would dare you, would you
dare, to believe,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">That you still have a reason
to sing,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">'cause the pain you've been
feeling,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Can't compare to the joy
that's coming<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Would dare you, would you
dare, to believe,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">That you still have a reason
to sing,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">'cause the pain you've been
feeling,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Can't compare to the joy
that's coming<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Com'n, you got to wait for
the light<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Press on, just fight the good
fight<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-align: center; text-autospace: none;">
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Because the pain you've been
feeling,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">The pain you've been feeling,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Just the dark before the
morning<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Before the morning, yeah,
yeah</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Before the morning</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6mIWK20KqSqw-ix1yLBfV6TDNMWRbOgmODTJFsTE-IrrOreOpD1nIGbGyDAM8bAMhJBNXPVBle_iYBu7Xt9KZGYYZmtSUSGB3wSCmLrF-ua_-uxw4rgsQwUvz2lcq89LYPnVWXlSWdXQ/s1600/DSC03675.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6mIWK20KqSqw-ix1yLBfV6TDNMWRbOgmODTJFsTE-IrrOreOpD1nIGbGyDAM8bAMhJBNXPVBle_iYBu7Xt9KZGYYZmtSUSGB3wSCmLrF-ua_-uxw4rgsQwUvz2lcq89LYPnVWXlSWdXQ/s1600/DSC03675.jpg" height="425" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Happy 6th Anniversary from Blue Ridge, GA!</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: #ccccdd; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; text-align: center;"><br /></span>Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-88162773921823234092014-03-14T13:18:00.000-07:002014-03-14T13:18:41.005-07:00A Time for Everything...This has been a much-needed break this week with Spring Break! So much has happened lately and I can't wait to share it all!<br />
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First of all, I had the opportunity to share with a friend (Heather) her last round of chemo Wednesday! I told her it sounded weird to say that I had a great time with her during her last treatment, understanding the fact that she does have cancer, but it was such a joyous occasion! All of the nurses were happy for her, as were all of her supporters she has had through this journey so far. Here's where God stepped in in a mighty way and orchestrated some important events...<br />
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I have Heather's son in my class this year. I had not met Heather or her son until this year. In October is when we, as teachers, begin our conferences with the ending of the first 9 weeks of school. Heather sen a letter with her son explaining that she had recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and that she would need to conference earlier than everyone else because of her upcoming surgery. I was so heart-broken at this news to say the least. I wrote a letter back explaining mine and Brad's story and how life can be turned upside down so quickly it leaves our head spinning. A few weeks passed after finding this out before I was laying in bed (Sunday, October 27) when I had the thought to do a self-check on myself. My thoughts were, "I'm 28, there's no need to really check as often as people say to do, or ever. This is one of those things that happen to others, not me." Well, was I surprised when I felt a lump! I sat up and still felt it. Brad felt it. Lifted my arm, laid back down, still felt it. I had the urge to freak out, but was still thinking, "Surely this is nothing. I'm so young." This next morning in the shower, it was still there. I called my OB-GYN Monday and his nurse told me to come after school and they would check it out. Sure enough, he felt it too! This is when I began to freak out! If he could feel it right away, I knew something was wrong. He made an appointment for me to have a mammogram Tuesday. I get to the doctor's office Tuesday and they tell me they want to do an ultrasound first because most of the time with people my age it's nothing to worry about. So they do the ultrasound, that doctor looks at it, and now they want me to have the mammogram; at 28 this is blowing my mind! The mammogram showed something "suspicious" which means now it's time to meet with a surgeon. We met with our surgeon Wednesday and he told us it would be better to go ahead and remove the mass instead of trying to have a needle biopsy done. He scheduled the surgery for the next morning, Halloween. How appropriate, right? Within 5 days, I find a lump, meet with 3 doctors and have surgery to have a breast mass removed, crazy!! I'm not going to lie and say that all of this did not completely freak me out, but I had this peace about the whole situation. When the thought that this could be cancer creeped in, I had to shut it out and pray that God would bring us through this next hurdle. I tried not to psyche myself out too much because I absolutely do. not. do. needles!!! I didn't cry (because of the surgery) until surgery day when I'm back in the prep room when they come to put me to sleep before taking me back. Then it all hit me. I cried just knowing what was about to happen and then I was out. They said the surgery took longer than expected, but we are used to this at this point. They said it would take a few days to know the results. A few days when waiting to hear news of this magnitude is like weeks! This was on Thursday, I recovered over the weekend and was back at work Monday. Thankfully, the doctor called Monday and the mass was benign. What a relief! Of course, the human side of me was thinking, "Why would God allow this to happen when it wasn't cancerous in the first place? Haven't we been through enough?" But God is always working behind the scenes and He continues to be faithful!<br />
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On a much happier note Brad and I have recently gotten new bicycles! Brad had been riding a loaner hand-cycle from the rehab center to see if this was something he would be interested in. It was a great trial because we were actually able to get out and be "normal" while riding. Brad had submitted paperwork to see if it would be possible for his bike to be covered financially. We were told probably not, but they would turn in the paperwork and see what happens. That was late summer, early fall. We hadn't heard anything from the company so we were expecting to pay out-of-pocket for a bike. And, of course, the bike I had been riding was my middle school bike so I was in desperate need for a new one as well. On January 14th, Brad got a call from the hand-cycle company saying that they had a purchase requisition for a bike for Brad and needed to know what color he wanted! Are you serious? Nothing for months and then out of the blue we are getting one! God is so good! Brad was able to pick the color and some other personalized options and the bike arrived about 3 weeks later! Before Brad's bike arrived, my mom and one of her friends were at our house and I was just telling her about Brad's bike working out and how we were going to buy me a new one. My mom's friend offered to buy my new bike! This is crazy! We go from thinking we are going to be out quite a bit of money to not having to pay for any of it! We went to look at bikes and found one that I really liked! I sent my mom's friend a picture and she said, "Get it!" Financially, God has showed up in HUGE ways since the accident! Everything medically costs so much, but we have never been in need or want. God has taken such a huge weigh off of our shoulders!<br />
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Lastly, we recently had the privilege of meeting Joni Eareckson Tada and her husband, Ken! We were in Lifeway and Brad was getting his name put on his new Bible when the girl behind the counter thought she knew Brad and was trying to make that connection. It turned out not to be anything and she left the store after Brad paid because it was the end of her shift. We stayed in the store looking around when she came back in and found us. She sat down beside us and asked if Brad had a spinal cord injury. Brad said he did and she told us her brother did as well. He was in a diving accident when he was 15. He's now in his 30's, lives in Arizona, and is married with a baby now! We asked her if she knew who Joni is since she was also in a diving accident in her teens. She didn't know her but told us that Joni was going to be in Jackson on February 28th! We couldn't believe this because we talk about Joni daily at our house! She is such an inspiration to all who know her and her story. So we marked this date on our calendar and waited. In the meantime, we emailed Joni (not knowing who would actually read the email) explaining our story and wondering if we could meet her after the conference that Friday night. At the bottom of the email I noted our blog address, just in case. We got a response from Martie at her Jackson office inviting us to meet Joni at a meet-and-greet that Sunday afternoon. So pumped we would actually get to meet and talk with her! So we are still waiting for the "Joni weekend" when someone calls from our church telling us Joni was going to be at Belhaven Saturday night! Three opportunities to listen to her testimony and finally get to meet her! Friday and Saturday were awesome, her story touching and humbling. Sunday came and when we pulled up there were so many people. Brad and I looked at each other, thinking the same thing, "We are never going to get to talk with her." However, we got there right after Joni and Ken arrived and followed them into the gym, still unsure of how the events of the afternoon would happen. Joni and Ken were gathered with Martie and some others from the Jackson office so we headed their way. Once we got close enough Martie said she knew exactly who we were. That means that she had read our blog to know what we looked like! Wow! She introduced us to Joni and Ken and Brad gave a short version of our story. Ken graciously gave us a copy of their book they wrote together about their marriage. Joni signed this book and her autobiography we brought with us! Since Joni loves to draw and paint Brad brought a copy of the oil painting of his motorcycle for Joni to have. She was so impressed with his ability and grateful for this gift. We asked her what she does for her pain (she also deals with chronic pain daily) and she mentioned drinking lots of water but not taking medicine because of the anxious feeling they gave her. She said she would send us some information and for me to put our mailing address on the back of the picture. She then looked directly at me and said, "I promise I'll send you some information on pain." She took the extra step and sincerely said she would do this, this was not something she was simply saying in passing. How considerate! Joni spoke to the group a little later and then Brad and I left. 8 days later, this past Monday, there was a package in our mailbox from Joni with a personalized letter. She said how nice it was to meet us, she wished we lived closer together, how talented Brad is, and enclosed DVD's with study guides about pain and disability. Joni held true to her promise, and quickly at that! What a blessing she has been to our family! </div>
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In <u>Joni and Ken: An Untold Love Story,</u> Joni shares what Alan Redpath (a British pastor and author) wrote, "There is no circumstance, no trouble, no testing, that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ, right through to me. If it has come <i style="font-weight: bold;">that </i>far, it has come with great purpose." What a great source of comfort for us all when life is not what we expected!</div>
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"Come and see what our God has done, what awesome miracles He performs for people!" </div>
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-Psalm 66:5</div>
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Us with BJ at MC's 2nd soccer State Championship!</div>
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Ally loves to nest in our clothes, and this is her favorite spot on the couch! </div>
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Does it get any cuter than this!!</div>
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Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-69079398126764309302014-01-09T17:11:00.002-08:002014-01-09T17:11:29.937-08:00Forget the former things...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">So, school has started back after my two week break and it has
gone by so fast! I have made goal for myself to try to focus more on the
positive things that happen daily so as not to focus so much on everything that
is harder. Joni Eareckson Tada suggested this prayer: Father, I present to you
today the disappointing things in my life that hold sad or tragic meaning. Turn
my darkness into light. Exchange the sadness for hope. You are the God who
turns weeping into joy!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Along with this way of thinking has come some new information
about Brad’s accident. We originally were told gravel was to blame for the
accident. Brad had his doubts but he had no memory of the accident. However, we
have recently gotten some new details that confirm the accident was not caused
by gravel. We will continue to investigate and give updates when we can. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">However, this time of year still brings up sad thoughts;
Sunday will be 2 years. Having to be up so early for school and driving before
the sun is up reminds me of all of the early mornings I would ride with my dad
to the hospital for the first visiting hour of the day. It was so cold, surreal,
devastating. Sometimes I flashback to those days and I have to be intentional
of thinking about something else because it can ruin the whole day. My brother
also has a friend who has been in ICU. After visiting his family and
remembering all of the days spent in the hospital hallway, not knowing what the
future would hold, has made me appreciate how far we have come. It all seems
like a blur, like a nightmare and one morning we will wake up “normal” again.
This is why I am making time daily to list my “positives” (marriage, personal,
classroom, etc.) and reflect on these instead of reliving a life I can’t do
anything to get back. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See,
I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making
a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” –Isaiah 43:18 & 19</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUgGjPjI_UgSbeMLhYeEJh0sSvQIxTrtgmMJfdnTYfTBZXMEE64_PN0VgsYfxf31sn3UrNF7qK9Y1_iYUCo4gxFOiucZe2i2yVYZ3OQG8hFFS1gCNUqQ-Unt9mJEzuHe2oE-NtjxMaGeQ/s1600/photo+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUgGjPjI_UgSbeMLhYeEJh0sSvQIxTrtgmMJfdnTYfTBZXMEE64_PN0VgsYfxf31sn3UrNF7qK9Y1_iYUCo4gxFOiucZe2i2yVYZ3OQG8hFFS1gCNUqQ-Unt9mJEzuHe2oE-NtjxMaGeQ/s1600/photo+1.JPG" height="175" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My babies like to keep me company during my quiet time!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4Ie7cpfmOaUNJEn4Ul1rofNFSJ0eQ21TCocGARaor0vmnMKr77HjPcvbJm2KoCsmk7yZDH-gV0IWTev4B5Uzdyw-nQJzbY9rLnTjqsk6qEKIdtRtgfzcbeRqsQCB5qhr0tfTeJXITV_I/s1600/photo+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4Ie7cpfmOaUNJEn4Ul1rofNFSJ0eQ21TCocGARaor0vmnMKr77HjPcvbJm2KoCsmk7yZDH-gV0IWTev4B5Uzdyw-nQJzbY9rLnTjqsk6qEKIdtRtgfzcbeRqsQCB5qhr0tfTeJXITV_I/s1600/photo+2.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix_Q3XHUib0Yjq8qE-bmqlFqXni1QtiNsTQBtVMxXJC1rrLA79us9eMmYifOrH6ckFkqfTdI-CEA79hmexSlFMfVz8qO2au8TuezkUkWxh4mFezYxllAtr6QOKjmJa5wbJG7K0m93QWMs/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEix_Q3XHUib0Yjq8qE-bmqlFqXni1QtiNsTQBtVMxXJC1rrLA79us9eMmYifOrH6ckFkqfTdI-CEA79hmexSlFMfVz8qO2au8TuezkUkWxh4mFezYxllAtr6QOKjmJa5wbJG7K0m93QWMs/s1600/photo.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">At Cracker Barrel in Franklin, TN over the break</td></tr>
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Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-76798516956128320972013-12-27T21:13:00.001-08:002013-12-27T21:13:23.982-08:00A New YearBrad and I had a great Christmas together and with family, being able to catch up with one another. However, this time of year still presents sad and hopeless emotions. Reflecting on the past is bittersweet. We love knowing that we had 11 years together being able to be normal (whatever that is) and getting to enjoy life as a young couple. So much happiness and life lay before us. It's also so sad because of everything we have lost. I know I have used the "suffocating" analogy before but it still suffices to describe this feeling most clearly. I read from Joni Eareackson Tada's daily devotion that she feels emotional pain is much more hurtful than physical pain and I have to agree. It just leaves an empty, restless, overwhelming hole that is very hard to describe to others (or to myself) or to change. All of this to say that we have had many opportunities to share our story with others and them with us. Our eyes have been opened to those in need and hurting around us more than ever before. A lot of times when life gets hard and continues to present valleys it's hard to get out of ourselves and remember that God is on our team, He is for us. He holds us in His palm, shelters us under His wings. Bra<br />
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d and I have been called to live a life that most people will never experience, never want to experience. I just cling to the hope that God would have us somewhere else if this is not where we are supposed to be. Hopefully we will have more peaks than valleys in the year to come and will have an amazing journey to share with others!Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7541035844035034197.post-44767076514470616962013-11-09T20:48:00.001-08:002013-11-09T20:48:39.842-08:00Recently...So much has happened in the almost year since my last post. I feel that we have grown more "comfortable", for lack of a better word, to how it's going to be. At the start of this new year I remember Brad and I talking about how excited we were to see what God was going to do in and through us this year. Looking back, I feel sad and almost wrong to say that we have had to face many sad and hard situations. Just this year alone we have had many major life disruptions. We are still not ready to share these, but hopefully one day will be in a better place and willing to share our full story.<br />
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However, we have had good things come from these painful experiences. Our families have continued to step up and help in any way imaginable. God has used our family, church family, and friends to help us feel His love when it doesn't feel that He is close or that He cares. This is one of those thoughts where we know that He never leaves our side and always has our best interests at heart; just hard to find comfort from this in the middle of circumstances that we would never have asked for. I have reconnected with a friend from long ago, made many new friends, and grown stronger in the friendships that have proven faithful and true. Through all of this, I have learned that so many people have gone through similar situations that we have faced. The funny thing is that we would never have known any of this had it not been for the fact that God put these people in our paths at exactly the right time to share their stories. This has enabled us to share our stories with them and to grow and learn from and with these friends who have gone through similar experiences.<br />
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A good friend of mine recommended The Language of Letting Go by: Melody Beattie. From this book I have learned much about the grieving process and how to deal with and move on with life. So, much of what follows is straight from her book (she says it better than I ever could). I will use quotations to set apart her words from my own. The grief process is...<br />
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1. Denial and isolation: For the longest time I prayed that God would change our circumstances and knew in my heart that this would always be something I prayed for. There was no way this was God's plan for our lives. Brad and I have always tried to do the right thing as far as our relationship with God and with each other goes. We have tried to live a life that was pleasing to God (obviously we fail at times) and that our actions would shine a light and be an encouragement to others. So surely, this is not what we were called to do and deal with. There was just no way! Isolation was also a huge part early on, and one we still struggle with, because no one else in our immediate circle knows exactly what we are going through. Many friends and family struggle with their own things and I am not slighting that pain in the least. I am simply saying that paralysis, in and of itself, is rare and so different from case to case that finding someone to relate to and empathize with you is not very common. We have, however, made friends who have helped us feel that we are not completely alone in this process. <br />
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2. Anger: There has been so much of this emotion that we feel we are experts at how to be angry. Why us? Why not other people who don't try to live a life that is pleasing to God? "Why didn't God do it differently? We have to go through our own angry stage to achieve acceptance. We won't stay angry forever. But we may need to get mad for a while as we search over what could have been, to finally accept what is. Anger comes before acceptance and peace. Ultimately, surrender and self-responsibility are the only concepts that can move us forward." After reading this part of Beattie's book I found the concept of self-responsibility and personal accountability as a strange way of moving forward. Obviously, this is not something that Brad and I chose so what is our responsibility in the matter? In doing my quiet time this morning the thought came to me that my responsibility in all of this is remaining true to my heart's tuggings reminding me to spend time daily with God. Many days that is the last thing I want to do because anger has been, and still is at times, prominent in my thoughts. However, "Faith is like a muscle. It must be exercised to grow strong. Repeated experiences of having to trust what we can't see and repeated experiences of learning to trust that things will work out are what make our faith muscles grow strong." <br />
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3. Bargaining: "In the bargaining stage we go back and forth between believing there is something we can do to change things and realizing there isn't." As for me, I thought that if we wanted something so badly and if I spent enough time in prayer and devotion that surely God would grant us these things. I was giving Him everything. However, when these things didn't turn out I immediately took it all back. Anger stage again. "We may get our hopes up again and again, only to have them dashed. We have turned ourselves inside and out to try to negotiate with God and reality." This lends itself to a roller coaster of emotions, which would be a mild way of describing us this past year. <br />
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4. Depression: "The process of adapting to change and loss takes energy. Grief is draining and exhausting. Some people need to 'cocoon for transformation'. Grief is heavy and can wear us down. We may feel more tired than usual. Our ability to function well in other areas of our life may be reduced temporarily." I can not count the number of days that we have wanted to stay in bed, watch mind-numbing TV, and not talk to anyone else. Some days this feels the only way of making it through another day.<br />
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5. Acceptance: "There is no substitute for accepting reality." I feel that we are working our way more towards acceptance in the nearly two years since Brad's injury. This is not to say that we don't backtrack often and find ourselves still questioning and being angry at God and our circumstances. We don't, though, spend as much time dwelling on the sadness and craziness that is our daily lives. Accepting what is is making everything we now have to do differently a little easier to move past.<br />
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"We should take responsibility for making ourselves feel good and enjoy life. We'll understand when it's time. We can also trust that the gift is precisely what we need. Then we decide that, although we would like our situation to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason. Maybe there is a higher purpose and plan in play, one that's better that we could have orchestrated. We call this faith. We can trust that when things don't work out the way we want, God has something better planned. Today, we are right where we need to be. Our present circumstances are exactly as they need to be, for now. We can trust that something valuable is being worked out in us, even when things are difficult, even when we can't get our bearings. Insight and clarity do not come until we have mastered our lesson. I am going through what I need to go through to learn something that will prepare me for the joy and love I am seeking."<br />
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Brad and I are working hard on learning to accept that this is where we are called to be. If not, we would be somewhere else. This is extremely hard because this looks nothing like what we would have planned. Hopefully, we will one day be able to say that we are thankful for all of the pain (physically and emotionally) and heartbreak. We continue to pray for this continually and that God would use us in a mighty way. One of my personal prayers is that God would blow our mind with all that He has planned for us! One day...<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJZ4ds-2JZY0curNGnUmTo9c3mkmKwEUjB2IYu8KOQ0euNsNwyu64GAP-QN2ng6gnSWMTwd9J0DY8xEq5uHHMXbGmXuRluJWOThCSlrQY4nlxUKZ_TMHfzJ_xFK5eACx7OtXjppB2QHhM/s1600/IMG_4695.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJZ4ds-2JZY0curNGnUmTo9c3mkmKwEUjB2IYu8KOQ0euNsNwyu64GAP-QN2ng6gnSWMTwd9J0DY8xEq5uHHMXbGmXuRluJWOThCSlrQY4nlxUKZ_TMHfzJ_xFK5eACx7OtXjppB2QHhM/s320/IMG_4695.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our last minute trip to the beach this summer!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Celebrating a friend's wedding!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our new favorite pictures of our babies!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj12MbxKqLW1lhve48VMkgrgxcc2WomOgvGXi1rMREN7z_AAn0KYpn1AFKIajvADhPFRfA1q0PBXQljMQNsXHJYf1hcyeADKk03iyb5JfwXtRpXW4mCU9Y-b9-WH_xc5zID8CKYtlA7Ncg/s1600/IMG_4974.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj12MbxKqLW1lhve48VMkgrgxcc2WomOgvGXi1rMREN7z_AAn0KYpn1AFKIajvADhPFRfA1q0PBXQljMQNsXHJYf1hcyeADKk03iyb5JfwXtRpXW4mCU9Y-b9-WH_xc5zID8CKYtlA7Ncg/s320/IMG_4974.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How could you not love them?!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7KI2MG2vGYOZhnaXIlHAnsN3NNFt5fOVzmM5PX9GZsJFaDEt53zCZ43c1dyAtrrdv-P7Cjec3BbNC1ynG0IV_zY-YCG02sqZ35JwiDLnB5w-iDhZNL96X21zuv8biNEID0fgMXaE2yE4/s1600/IMG_5036.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7KI2MG2vGYOZhnaXIlHAnsN3NNFt5fOVzmM5PX9GZsJFaDEt53zCZ43c1dyAtrrdv-P7Cjec3BbNC1ynG0IV_zY-YCG02sqZ35JwiDLnB5w-iDhZNL96X21zuv8biNEID0fgMXaE2yE4/s320/IMG_5036.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our favorite thing to take pictures of this summer!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuOSEu64Vab56CBhiqXTUOIOZA4Xr5_7iL0hucD1D-72Hykux-R4xprkPTecS4qTAvkBRqvGkyRaRmThyQZ8CR3ox9yQJsAWoNM_-DrhyphenhyphenfK9kyC1FtwkwQBxfkIN5KXs0zWGwQbewwP8Q/s1600/IMG_5131.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuOSEu64Vab56CBhiqXTUOIOZA4Xr5_7iL0hucD1D-72Hykux-R4xprkPTecS4qTAvkBRqvGkyRaRmThyQZ8CR3ox9yQJsAWoNM_-DrhyphenhyphenfK9kyC1FtwkwQBxfkIN5KXs0zWGwQbewwP8Q/s320/IMG_5131.jpg" width="246" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brad's most recent painting!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFVQowK28l912R4jEvg_4Asfs8B7RNwot666Ps-e6Nug5Z8CgVLJg3uTu9GJlfMRrcp7NvqyIRn3lndROhuFLIE6O5u9V5M4nKxWrX9XIXxuCBwxsBgV0Hr5O3w_zzRCPlItkQH9Ao1Oo/s1600/IMG_4338.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFVQowK28l912R4jEvg_4Asfs8B7RNwot666Ps-e6Nug5Z8CgVLJg3uTu9GJlfMRrcp7NvqyIRn3lndROhuFLIE6O5u9V5M4nKxWrX9XIXxuCBwxsBgV0Hr5O3w_zzRCPlItkQH9Ao1Oo/s320/IMG_4338.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Out supporting baby Ryan!</td></tr>
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<br />Kristanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07659482425220127834noreply@blogger.com0