Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Joni and Friends Family Retreat

Words can not even describe!!
Brad and I got back last week from our first Family Retreat! This is a retreat for families with disabilities put on by the Joni and Friends organization. This was the first retreat for the Jackson office and it was held at Camp ASCCA in eastern Alabama. We really had no idea what to expect...

We arrived to camp late Monday night so we missed orientation, how meals work, what the schedule would look like, etc. This was particularly nerve-wracking because we went not knowing anyone! The next morning at breakfast we were standing around because the dining hall was completely full of people (very overwhelming)! A nice mom shared with us how the meals were distributed (you sit at a table and the meals are brought to you) so we found a table with 2 spare seats. Everyone was so nice and made us feel right at home.

We looked over the schedule and decided we didn't want to split up into men and women activities for the majority of the day so we joined the young adults/singles group. This was an amazing experience because we met so many amazing campers, STM's (short-term missionaries) and camp staff (the most amazing, eager, and willing to help group of people EVER!!!). We had the opportunity to try the zip-line, zip-tower (taller and a further distance), tubing, pool (for the first time since the accident), putt-putt, and water slide.

On the way to camp Brad and I were talking about what trying all of these activities would look in actuality. We were very skeptical that ALL of these activities would be accessible; they were! We were also not sure how Brad would be able to participate even if they were; the camp staff took charge and told us exactly what to do! To trump all of these concerns was the issue of pride and allowing others to help us when we are so use to doing it all ourselves.

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom." -Proverbs 11:2

"A man's pride brings him low, but a man of a lowly spirit gains honor." -Proverbs 29:23

"The end of the matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride." -Ecclesiates 7:8

Brad handled the offer of help with such humility, and I let go of my need to be the primary source of help. Because of this, we were able to fully let go and enjoy these 'simple' activities, even if they were done in a way we had never tried before.

The families we met and friends we made throughout the week have left such an impression on our lives. Our eyes have been opened like never before. Once again, the realization that even on our worst days someone always has it worse really brings our suffering into perspective. The truth is God told us there would be trouble. At the same time, He told us not to worry, He had overcome the world (John 16:33). He told us there would be trials and tribulations in our lives, so why are we so taken aback when confronted with these struggles? He lived the perfect life (I can't even wrap my mind around this fact) and died the most horrific death. Because of this we are free in our trials because we know they will not be forever and that we will experience an eternity of 'perfectness'!

While at camp, we were also able to meet such an inspiring couple, also touched by heartache at such a young age, Jay and Katherine Wolf. Being able to connect to another couple who was married at the time of their tragedy (3 years like us) and so young at the time (26 just like us) was such a comfort. We have an amazing support system of friends here at home and that we have met through the accident, but none that we could so closely relate to. Please visit their website and follow their journey as they embrace the ministry they have been called to... www.hopeheals.com

At the campfire with Jay and Katherine!

Brad pulled himself to the top of the zip-line platform!

Excited we got to try something new!

It's finally our turn!

Swimming was a completely new and weird experience; so grateful for the opportunity! Thank you Myra Penn for your help!

We also had the opportunity to meet Judy Spiegle. She was injured when she was 18 and went on to compete in the paralympics!! Such an amazing lady!

Snuck away from the dance for some time alone...!

Getting Brad harnessed up to climb the 90 degree rock wall, really??!! 




Tuesday, June 3, 2014

With Great Purpose

I have recently read the book I referenced in my last post, Joni & Ken: An Untold Love Story. The title for this post is a title of one of her chapters and speaks volumes to me at this point in our story...

Brad and I feel ready, and have prayed for this opportunity, to share our struggles with trying to have a baby.

We began our journey over a year ago, March - May of 2013. We decided we were not going to tell our parents and extended family simply for the surprise factor. Brad and I always wanted this news to be exciting, and thought about different ways we would tell our families when our time finally came.

After consulting with multiple doctors and specialists, due to the type and level of Brad's spinal cord injury, we were told we weren't going to be able to get pregnant naturally. So we decided to proceed with IVF. We had always heard of IVF, but had no idea EVERYTHING it entailed until we were in the middle of it. I had heard bits and pieces of how emotional the process is and how hard it is on the body. You have no idea the extent of these effects until you are giving yourself shots twice a day and your body is going nuts in the process. Everyone tells you, no matter how you are trying to get pregnant, not to stress out. Well, IVF is so closely monitored that you know how your body is responding, good or bad, the entire way. We did our best to hand everything to God and trust in His process and timing. However, we were absolutely sure that this was a fool-proof process, especially at our age. There was no way this wasn't going to work; the thought never even crossed our minds.

The doctor kept saying that, at my age, we should have a pretty good chance at getting an adequate number of eggs, to then be fertilized, and finally to become embryos.  We were able to follow our progress via an online portal. Having said that, this tool can be helpful but very stressful at the same time. We were getting updates daily on how many eggs they were able to retrieve (7) and how many actually fertilized. After this step in the process, they go ahead and schedule the transfer of your embryos, not knowing exactly how many they will have to work with. Brad and I were hopeful that we would have at least 2, maybe 3, to proceed with the transfer. However, you're not completely sure how many embryos you have and that they will be transferring until the day of the transfer. Turns out that we only ended up with one, 1,  embryo. We got this news as we were in the operating room and I was getting prepped. Having gone through so much (emotionally, physically, financially) this was devastating news. Yes, we had one but we had our mind on at least 2. We continued with the transfer and waited our ten, 10, days until we could have blood work to see if we were pregnant. Ten days!!! Are you kidding me? That was the longest 10 days ever! I was taking it easy, laying around the house, trying to be as "stress free" as I could.

On day 10 we went to have my blood taken and my number came back lower than they would have liked, but still not a negative pregnancy number. We went back 2 days later and my number had doubled, but still not as high as it should have been. At this point, Mother's Day 2013, we had our parents and brothers over and told them that we were pregnant! We were told to be cautiously optimistic and told our families this much, but we were all still so excited! Went back 2 days later and they told me that my numbers were not growing like they would like and didn't think this pregnancy would continue. They were right. We had done a full cycle of IVF with only 1 embryo, none to freeze for a later date, and came away with NOTHING. Like I said before, we were positive this was going to work, so you can imagine how upset and lost we were. We went from 7, to 1, to nothing.

After talking with the doctor about options/going forward from this point, we felt God was telling us to do it again, especially with me being out for the summer (June-August of 2013). So, we started the entire process over. The doctor doubled my meds to hopefully get my body to respond better, and it did. This is such a painful process I can't even explain. Now, you have to understand something about me. I HATE needles, blood work, shots, the whole nine yards. My fear of this made me want to be the only one doing the shots and mixing all of the meds. Brad offered to do these for me, but I wanted to be in complete control. My poor tummy looked like a bruised pin cushion :(

My body responded so well that we had to cut down on some of the meds. On the retrieval day, they were able to retrieve 15 eggs this time! We were so pumped! Twice as many as last time. On our transfer day, we were told they would be transferring 2 embryos this time, but that was all we had, still none to freeze for later. We thought for sure it would work this time, especially with our chances having doubled. Our ten days (more like 10 years!) passed and we had the blood work done again. It still was not a negative test but my numbers were not high. After having one or two more blood tests done, my number did go to a negative pregnancy test. Of course, it happened the first time why not twice? We went from 15, to 2, to nothing.

At this point, having gone through 2 full rounds of IVF in a 6 month period with still nothing to show for it, we were so confused. Hadn't God given us the funds to do this, twice? Hadn't He allowed the timing to work out perfectly with our schedules? Hadn't we been through enough already?

We are learning daily, and very slowly, that God's timing is perfect; He is never late. For the time being, we are completely at peace with waiting. We are enjoying our time together riding bikes, going on a few trips, and growing in Christ. We have learned to press into His Presence like never before and trust that we are always in His thoughts. He knows exactly what is going to happen, and that is such a comforting thought. One day, we will see the bigger picture and hopefully understand why things happened the way they did. Until then, we continue to pray for His guidance and peace. We are excited to see what God has planned for us! Hopefully, we will be parents one day and will be able to reflect on this time in our lives and see/appreciate even more so how far we have come! Hopefully, this is the dark before our morning...!!!

This song brings so much promise and hope... Josh Wilson Before The Morning:

Do you wonder why you have to,
Feel the things that hurt you,
If there's a God who loves you,
Where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
That you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
Can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on, you got to wait for the light
Press on, just fight the good fight
Because the pain you've been feeling,
It's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
And you know where you're going,
You just don't know how you get there
So just say a prayer.
And hold on, cause there's good who love God,
Life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
But you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
That you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
Can't compare to the joy that's coming

So hold on, you got to wait for the light
Press on, just fight the good fight
Because the pain you've been feeling,
It's just the dark before the morning
Yeah, yeah,
Before the morning,
Yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,
All your pain will fade to memory
Once you feel the way of glory,
All your pain will fade to memory
Memory, memory, yeah

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
That you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
Can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
That you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
Can't compare to the joy that's coming

Com'n, you got to wait for the light
Press on, just fight the good fight
Because the pain you've been feeling,
It's just the hurt before the healing
The pain you've been feeling,
Just the dark before the morning
Before the morning, yeah, yeah
Before the morning

Happy 6th Anniversary from Blue Ridge, GA!