Changes

This morning was a time when I woke up and immediately thought, "Are we really doing this again? Does it have to be so hard for another day?" That's hard when that's your first thought of the day. I've probably said this before, that the good days outnumber the bad, but when the bad days hit it can be very overwhelming. Brad and I were riding home this afternoon and, for some reason, when we are in the car my mind fills with thoughts. I told him that if I could only use one word to describe our situation it would be 'suffocating'. When my thoughts get the better of me, it almost seems impossible to live in the here and now. It's almost like I'm swimming and can't come up for air.

I was also thinking about Brad's time in the NSICU and how I had no clue what was ahead of us. No clue. I don't think I could have handled or comprehended how completely life was about to change. 

I talked with a friend this afternoon and she reminded me of the importance and necessity to live each day for what it's worth. I have found this to be so true; just hard to do at times. She also has gone through a lot in the past year and she said one of the hardest things to move past were all of her dreams she had for her and her family. This has definitely been hard for us as well. Not that we won't be able to accomplish things we wanted to prior to the accident, just now they aren't done on our timeline. We think we are in control until that control has been stripped away and we are forced to focus our eyes on Him and seek His council. Too bad it usually takes a tragedy to come to this realization.

I told Brad this afternoon that if God said, "Do this one thing for the rest of your life and I will change this situation" I would do that one thing and many more. Brad responded, "Do you think we would appreciate our situation being changed forever or do you think we would get used to it again?" It's sad to say but I think we would get used to it again, being able to do things we did prior to the accident, taking things for granted. If we could only go back in time...

This simple pose is one of the hardest things to remember. I always loved that Brad was so much taller than me. It's the little everyday things, like standing in front of him in this way, that really hit home.

James 4:10 "Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up."